Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Long Hiatus

Sorry for the log hiatus. After the most fun summer of my life it's time to get back to business! I also want to mention briefly that I've started writing a book. So far it's little vignettes from my life - humorous and truthful all at the same time. I'm sure it will include many embarrassing moments that cause the reader much pain.

I'm not very far into it, but I think it's a good goal. I may use this blog to work out a few stories. I'll let you know how it goes.

Big News Everyone!

I would like to take this moment to acknowledge some fantastic news in the Orender family. Not only is my sister-in-law, Alicia, pregnant and due in December, but my sister, Erin, is pregnant, too! This news just couldn't get any better! Or could it?

Yesterday Erin and Chris went to the doctor and found out they're having TWINS!!! I cried, of course. I'm so excited for them. I'm sure they are frightened. They already have two boys at home.

I'll go ahead and answer your questions:
1. Yes, it is totally natural.
2. Twins does run in the family. My great aunt and uncle on my Mom's side were twins. Chris' great aunt and uncle were also twins. Do you see the pattern? Boy and Girl twins. So I'm thinking I could possibly have a niece in the near future! Three nephews, one more on the way. Don't get me wrong, I love those boys with all my heart, but come on, I need to have a niece to take shopping, talk boys, style for prom, etc. Chris wants two boys so he can start a gang.

Because You Couldn't Wait a Second Longer...

Good news everyone, I'm not pregnant!

Have I ever mentioned my hot dermatologist? He's beautiful. I have to see him every few months because of my super-strong face medicine. They need to check my blood to make sure my potassium levels aren't insane. Plus I like to think that he just wants to see me. I know, I'm dreaming. Whatever.

Yesterday I had my typical appointment. He looked too closely at my skin for my comfort. I know he's a dermatologist, but he makes my heart flutter. I probably need to get my moles checked but I just can't bring myself to let him see me naked. Never had your moles checked? I don't want to discourage you (because you really NEED to do it! Stay healthy!) but it can be a bit invasive. I just don't think I could take him studying every part of my body, closely, with a magnifying mirror with fluorescent lighting. It's just completely unnecessary to have to check my crack. Dinner first, please.

Tangent. Okay, where was I? Yes, typical appointment. He asked if I was on birth control because this medicine is not safe for unborn babies. Something about hermaphrodites. Anyway, I told him I wasn't but probably would have to get on it soon. "Why?" "Well, I haven't had my period in several months and I'm going to the doctor in a couple of weeks. She'll probably make me get on it." "Could you be pregnant?" "Um, no." "How do you know for sure?" "Um...because I'm not having sex??" Cue MOMENT OF AWKWARDNESS. "Oh, okay. That would do it."

We go through this every time I see him. He always wants to know why I'm not on birth control. I think he's finally getting it. He asked if he could just request a pregnancy test because doctors notes are now audited. I said, "Sure, fine, why not. But if it comes back positive..." "What? Immaculate conception?" "Exactly." I still wish it would have come back positive because that would have been quite the story! Was I drugged? Or was it the one time I wore shorts while riding public transportation? You never know on the CTA. Plus my family is fertile myrtle.

Struttin' It

Monday morning I was looking really cute. I was. I'm not going to deny it. Black pants, yellow, long, flowy sweater snugged tightly to my waist with an over-sized blue belt, and heels. I was working it. I was feeling it.

I had an appointment during lunch. As I was on the elevator after my appointment, a threesome of very handsome, young lawyers, decked out in expensive suits, boarded the elevator a few floors down. I smiled and they smiled back. One of them kept checking me out. Seriously, he gave me the up and down. I so knew he thought I was cute. Even as we were headed out the revolving glass door he turned around to look at me again. I have it, what can I say.

Chin held high I entered a cab. The perfect fall wind was blowing my hair blissfully. A few minutes later I was back at my work destination. Scooting across the back seat to pay the cab driver and exit, I looked down and noticed something. My zipper was down. Oh, okay, humility in check. Got it. Staring at my zipper, not me. Dang it!

Friday, September 18, 2009

Journal Entry of a Weak Soul

Dear Diary,

Why are there so many damn cookies in the kitchen? I feel guilty if I don't try them all. I feel guilty if I do. So I settled for the lesser of two evils. Now my mouth hurts from too much sugar.

And in case any of you were wondering if Rick Bayless' new restaurant, XOCO, was any good. It is. And he's just as cute in person. I could have reached out and removed a flake of torta from his beard. But I didn't.