Green Monster

Is it sad when you rejoice that you've lost 7 pounds in a matter of a few days because you've been experiencing a touch of the stomach flu....or what I affectionately call it, "the Green Monster"? I believe I lost 5 of those pounds on Sunday alone. I guess I just got a jump start on my goal of losing 30 pounds in the next year. WAIT! I only have 11 months now.
I haven't even been able to eat much food. The thought of eating food makes me want to gag. It's quite the opposite of the problem I was experiencing last week. Shall we call that one PMS? Yes, I couldn't stop thinking about food and if I saw food it went directly into my mouth. It's like I didn't even have to pick it up. My internal hunger created such a force field that the food would just fly into my mouth. Seriously, what is a girl to do? If only I had gag reflexes when I saw something that I wasn't supposed to eat.
Now before you think I am borderline anorexic, take a breath. I AM NO WHERE NEAR HAVING AN EATING DISORDER. Don't need to send any interventions my way. I'm trusting that everything will be ship shape once I see a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Just what the doctor ordered! Can't you just see me with a pint of Ben and Jerry's Half Baked gagging as I'm shoving it my mouth. That stuff is irresistable. If I were held in a prison camp and they put Ben and Jerry's infront of me. I'd talk. It's that simple. See, now all of you know my weakness! Just promise me you won't use it against me.
Unfortunately I think I've only lost water weight and should be hooked up to an IV of fluids right now.
Here's to hoping the Green Monster will soon leave so I can live in peace. Cheers!

Pedestrian School

What if us pedestrians used the same tactics as cars when we make our way through the city? The following are a list of possibilities:

1) Airhorn: use this device when someone is walking too slow or to alert someone when you are rounding a corner. This can also be useful if someone cuts you off.

2) Left side of the sidewalk: This is to be used for the speedier of the pedestrians. Do not use this side if you are: walking a baby, carrying a box, walking with children, wearing high heels, over the age of 75, or have the day off.

3) Flashlight: This can be used as a more passive agressive defense compared to the airhorn. Flash it twice to alert pedestrians that they are about to get ripped into by you. This can also be used to alert pedestrian traffic that there is a large group of you trying to stick together.

4) Vocal: Don't be afraid to vocalize just as enthusiastically in public as you do in your car about how someone does not deserve to live because they can't read your mind! How dare they cut you off as you are trying to pass them in the cross walk. How dare they take the stairs slowly when the el train is pulling up. Don't they know?

5) Gestures: This would really add some great communication between people. Pedestrians in Chicago do not communicate with one another. We're all too afraid that someone will ask something of us that we aren't willing to give. This could open up that line of communication.

6) Portable windows: This can be useful when you happen upon a panhandler. Feel free to roll up this window and pretend that they aren't talking to you. This way you won't feel "uncomfortable."

7) Pedestrian School: for people who like to break the "unspoken rules" of the sidewalk.

What do you think? Add your own ideas or comments to the comments section below.

Ripped

Oh, it's just been one of those weekends. You know how I feel about my jeans. I hang onto them for years and expect them to love me back with as much respect as I've given them. Apparently I've loved one pair of jeans more than the rest.
I'd noticed that the inner thigh area of my jeans was beginning to wear thin. It's to be expected considering my thighs are best friends and sometimes a relationship this close can cause friction. Perhaps there was just too much friction recently. It all came together at one moment this weekend in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin. Climbing into my cousins huge car, I stepped up onto the floor board and stretched my legs so I could reach one foot to the ground and one into the car. As I tried to hoist myself up with my right arm and jump off my right leg I heard that noise....you know, the one where you pause for a second and say to yourself, "no, it can't be." And then you look between your legs in broad daylight without a care in the world because your precious jeans have...ripped! After a brief glance, you confirm the worst. You announce to the car load of people that you have indeed ripped your pants. You pretend it's not because the jeans were too tight but because they were loved too much. That my friends is what I claim and hold to as unwavering truth.
The part I really didn't enjoy was seeing the small part of fat spill out of that tiny hole. See, a good pair of jeans holds it in as if it were a girdle. Picture a zip lock bag of pudding. Squeeze the top so that it all is pressed into the seems of the bag. Then snip the bag at it's corner and squeeze again. You have a visual image? There, you're seeing what I saw that day. Mercy Lord!
I do tend to write about more of the shallow things in life. Maybe it's because I'm just so deep in every other aspect of my life. Ha! No, I want everyone to just enjoy themselves and not be bogged down by the burdens that life can sometimes present. Perhaps someday I will write about something more life changing than a pair of jeans ripping in an unfortunate location.
Notice the new comments section at the bottom of the page. Fun fun!