Very Funny

This could not be more true. That closet is a dream!

Published

My old trainer, Shelby, wrote this article. I feel like a proud parent. (wipes away tear)

Girl Scout Cookies

I think this only means that people will be eating more cookies. They'll think to themselves, "Oh, well they're smaller this year, so I can have more." That would have been my mentality too.

Donut Bliss

It's Friday! You know what makes me happy on Fridays other than knowing I have two full days ahead of me with no work? Pictures of cute kiddos! Archer wins the cute kiddo pic of the week. Chris emailed this one to me from a Dunkin Donuts. Such bliss on that smiling face. I just want to kiss those cheeks! And since I'm on a "healthy eating plan" I wouldn't mind if donut residue somehow got stuck to my lips.

Word Problem

A belly button is to lint what the inner corner of my eye is to mascara and eye-liner residue.

Note to Self #463

Do not wear mint-flavored lip gloss when it is negative 9 degrees outside. They will burn.

Move the Poop

This past Saturday I was cast in a commercial for a fancy cat litter box. I didn't know much about it other than it would not be a speaking role and I needed to bring a suitcase full of wardrobe choices. And at least this time I knew I needed to have my nails done as my hands would be prominently featured.

I arrived at a home in Wilmette after driving through the treacherous snow. A crew of six people and two cats greeted me as I walked into a strangers house. Everyone was incredibly friendly. They were setting up lights and filming the cats hoping they would get a shot of one actually using the litter box. Ew. I would definitely clam-up and not be able to perform if someone was filming me going to the bathroom. In the meantime, I did a fashion show for the clients and they decided on a green shirt and jeans for my look. Hair down, makeup natural and fresh, shoes plain-jane since they didn't want me to look too hip. I mean, you can try to make me normal, but I can't help but look hip all the time.

Most of the time I was filmed demonstrating how the product worked. Then came the extra props. Tootsie Rolls. I don't have cats so I don't know what cat poop looks like, but the tootsie rolls looked pretty convincing. So for the next three hours I was told, "Okay, move the poop. Can you place it closer to the wall side of the box? Now further away from you. Good." and "Take the poop back out and scoop it in again." "Make faces as if this is gross and smells bad." I needed no convincing. Just the thought of scooping real cat poop made me borderline...what's the word...pukey. You all know how I am with bad smells.

So I spent the whole day scooping Tootsie Rolls. This is art! This is going to make an impact on someone's life! Honestly, everyone was incredibly friendly and easy to work alongside. They even sent a motorized litter box to my aunt and uncle since I don't have cats. You can check out the old video on http://www.scoopfree.com/. My hair is less feathered than the original actress and my clothes a bit more up to date. Plus I hear my face will be featured more often. They warned me of possible informercials. I think I would die. Me scooping cat poop. But hey, you have to start somewhere! The new and improved video featuring yours truly should be up and at'em ASAP. I'll be sure to post it.

Oh, One of "Those" Places

My manicure on Saturday ended with my bra uhooked and me running for the bus.

I love where I get my nails done. The polish always lasts for atleast a week and they give you a brief back massage! I enjoyed the massage and my nails looked fabulous. I moved to the dryer to make sure the polish was glued to the nails before I went off into the cold. I suddenly felt like my boobs had shrunk in the last hour because they were swimming in my bra. Entertaining momentary thoughts of a sudden miraculous weightloss, I realized that no, my bra must be unhooked. Apparently my massage was a little vigorous and my nail technician accidentally popped it. I haven't had my bra popped since junior high.

My nails were wet and there's no way I could have hooked it myself. So I threw on my coat and hoped for the best. When I rounded the corner I saw my bus coming. If there's a bus, you run for it. It's no fun waiting in the cold. So there I was running for the bus, holding down the little ladies and feeling exposed even beneath a down puffy coat. I swear my boobs hurt the next day.

Bath Time

Happy New Year! 2009 already. Wasn't Y2K just last year? I rung in the New Year with a very exciting time involving sweat pants, scrabble, Sex and the City reruns, pizza and a few friends. It was perfect!

Looks like my nephews had a wilder night than me. Looks like I could learn a few things from this crazy lads. Check out how perfectly every"thing" is hidden. Nice camera work mom.

Let's re-imagine a conversation going on in the bath:

Liam (far right): "Yeah, we're just getting things ready. We're waiting on the ladies. This is some lovely tea!"

Archer (middle): "Where is the keg? It should be here by now!"

Connor (far left): "Oh man! Hey, look. Guys! My aim is so perfect. I can fill this cup."

Liam: "Such childish games."

Archer: "Seriously dude, put that away."