Good news everyone, I'm not pregnant!
Have I ever mentioned my hot dermatologist? He's beautiful. I have to see him every few months because of my super-strong face medicine. They need to check my blood to make sure my potassium levels aren't insane. Plus I like to think that he just wants to see me. I know, I'm dreaming. Whatever.
Yesterday I had my typical appointment. He looked too closely at my skin for my comfort. I know he's a dermatologist, but he makes my heart flutter. I probably need to get my moles checked but I just can't bring myself to let him see me naked. Never had your moles checked? I don't want to discourage you (because you really NEED to do it! Stay healthy!) but it can be a bit invasive. I just don't think I could take him studying every part of my body, closely, with a magnifying mirror with fluorescent lighting. It's just completely unnecessary to have to check my crack. Dinner first, please.
Tangent. Okay, where was I? Yes, typical appointment. He asked if I was on birth control because this medicine is not safe for unborn babies. Something about hermaphrodites. Anyway, I told him I wasn't but probably would have to get on it soon. "Why?" "Well, I haven't had my period in several months and I'm going to the doctor in a couple of weeks. She'll probably make me get on it." "Could you be pregnant?" "Um, no." "How do you know for sure?" "Um...because I'm not having sex??" Cue MOMENT OF AWKWARDNESS. "Oh, okay. That would do it."
We go through this every time I see him. He always wants to know why I'm not on birth control. I think he's finally getting it. He asked if he could just request a pregnancy test because doctors notes are now audited. I said, "Sure, fine, why not. But if it comes back positive..." "What? Immaculate conception?" "Exactly." I still wish it would have come back positive because that would have been quite the story! Was I drugged? Or was it the one time I wore shorts while riding public transportation? You never know on the CTA. Plus my family is fertile myrtle.
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2 comments:
I one had a Dr. that was shocked when I was about 28, single and not wanting birth control. Why not? Because I too was not having sex. Except she was shocked in a condescending way. That was my last visit to a Dr. who could not respect a virgin by choice.
Laughing my head off!
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