Home Alone

There's something I realized about myself last night. Or maybe it would be more fair if I said, I re-recognized about myself. I feel so lazy and get antsy if I am sitting still for more than an hour. Last night I had to force myself to stay home. I could have gone to class but it was raining outside. It was the perfect setting to a night home alone cuddled under a blanket and watching a good movie. Well after an hour of that, I felt guilty and like I should be doing something. I ignored the call of the dishes in the sink and the soap scum building in the tub (not really). I literally had to force myself to sit there. I ignored the phone because that only leads to "you're doing nothing too? Well, let's hang out." And before I know it it's midnight and I'm just brushing my teeth before bed.
So now that I'm rejuvenated from a night in, I need a nap from a carbo-loaded lunch. I think nap time should be mandatory. I just need a quick 10 minute nap. That's all it would take.
Today is the most gorgeous day Chicago has seen in a couple of months. The torrential rains last night brought blue skies, low humidity and cheery spirits. I wish I could go read a book in the park today. I would even go running...I've been bad the past couple of weeks. Days like this make me love this city.
My little brother is coming into town tomorrow. This is the first time that he has come up here since before I moved to Chicago. I think we will have a great time. There are plenty of things to entertain a 14 year old (who looks older than me because he's 6'1"). I'm sure he'll want to leave home and come live with me because we'll have such a great time! He says he has a present for me. I love surpises.
I love GOOD surprises...let me clarify that one.

Despise

I DESPISE going to the grocery store. I've never liked it. I think it's because I become overwhelmed with the crowds of people and the many selections. I've never been great at making decisions (as I've mentioned before). So the grocery store is one big fat nightmare for me. Not only that but it's the juxtaposition of easy cooking with trying to eat healthy. Is there a happy medium. Plus I have a schedule that causes me to only want to eat cereal at night because I'm too tired to fix anything else. Some may call that laziness, I call it simplicity! But I did in fact visit Trader Joe's last night. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. But it still overwhelmed me and then as I lugged 5 heavy bags of food up 2 flights of stairs I realized another reason I hate the store....BRINGING IT HOME!!!!! I miss having a garage the opened directly into the kitchen. Once again, simplicity.
I also had an overwhelming urge for Wendy's last night. When's the last time I ate Wendy's? I don't know! My roommate and I ate fast food in a car. I don't remember when I did that last. It made me feel like a collegiate all over again. You know what fast food chains I miss that Chicago does not offer? SONIC AND CHIC FIL'A. Seriously, what's wrong with this city? A Cherry Limeaide would be perfect for the summer heat!
Bad move #1 yesterday: Wearing white work pants that can only be dry cleaned when it's raining outside. I get annoyed at the spots that the shoes kick up on the back of the pants.
Bad move #2: Trying to drive to Target while Cubs game traffic was entering the city. Cubs fans are terrible drivers; especially in the rain.
Bad move #3: Eating Ben and Jerry's at 9pm last night. Why do I do that to myself?
Bad move #4: Turning off my alarm this morning instead of exercising. That's not simplicity, that's laziness.
Good times. All in all, life is swell.

Catching Up

I've become one of those annoying bloggers who never writes in her blog. It irritates me when I go to some of my favorite blogs during a desperate need to be entertained and it's old news! I am exactly that person. I'm sure no one visits my site anymore because they'll just see the same old thing for weeks on end. And for that, I apologize. Maybe I should set a goal of writing more frequently. It's the least I can do for my 6 friends who read this blog.
I've noticed something interesting lately. Ever since the bombings of the tube and the bus in London, the red line has been sparce. I have honestly had a seat everytime I've ridden the el to work and home again. I don't know if it is because it's been so hellaciously hot outside or because people are frightened that Chicago might be next.
I have to admit that if I were to think about it too much it would be frightening. There is a slight peace from the fact that each time I'm on the train there are police officers and dogs sniffing out the train. It produces perhaps a false sense of safety, but I'll take it over paranoia that's unfounded.
My roommate gets married this weekend. I guess she's not my roommate anymore. Boo hoo. She's already moved out of her room and my other roommate moved in her room with just seconds to spare. The abandoned room was much larger than Janell's old room. I can't blame her. I would have done the same thing. My cousin moves in soon and should be a delightful addition.
So we were without a couch for a good 4 weeks or so. It's amazing how much less t.v. I watched (not that I've watched much lately anyway). There's no central area for congregating and it makes having the opposite sex over a little awkward. "Hi, we don't have a couch....and I'm not particularly keen on sitting on my bed and socializing." I'll be thankful when my new "adult" purchases arrive....meaning NEW COUCHES!!!!! I'm such an adult these days. I even bought a new set of dishes. I'm slowly working my way out of having to register when I get married. That way people can just give me money. I mean give US...whoever he may be...money.
I ate too much pizza today. Goodbye skinny ass self. Hello sweatpants! I need to get a grip. It's got to be hormonal. I have a zit on my chin.

Nothing

I have absolutely nothing to say. Do you wonder why it's been so long since I've written in my blog? Because I have nothing to say. Perhaps this means that I've been experiencing a great lack of adventure/excitement in my life recently. That's because my life has been filled with work, exercise, work, improv, improv, work and finally sleep. I sound grumpy. I'm not. I'm just uninspired at the moment.
I'm hoping that this flyfishing trip I'm taking this next week will bring new stories and adventures. Yes, yes, you heard it right. I'm going flyfishing. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing but I'm sure it will be fun. Plus I get to spend 3 days on a boat with my dad, brother and his new fiancee (who is really cool). Until today I was the only girl going. So this is a blessing!
I've prepared for this trip today by getting my eyebrows waxed and nether regions waxed as well. It's all rather exciting. It wouldn't be a blog by me if I didn't mention waxing. Apparently it runs my life. I also got a pedicure yesterday. It was a rather expensive pedicure but it had been so long since I'd had my toes worked on that I didn't care. She was sloughing off so much dead cracked skin from my heels that it was flying everywhere. I honestly was pretty disgusted. But that just showed my incredible need for a pedicure. Now when I arrive in Montana, all the fishermen will be in awe of my perfectly pedicured feet and my precisely manicured eyebrows. Or they will laugh at me and wonder what the heck I'm doing in Montana flyfishing. It's probably the latter. But hey, I'm going to give it a shot.
For having nothing to say really I sure did use up a lot of words.

Now I See

This morning brought revelation and understanding in my life. I have been quite exhausted this week. I thought this was all due to helping take care of my roommate who had emergency surgery on Saturday. I thought this exhaustion led to a severe need to cry (plus I haven't cried in months) and irritability. Tuesday I forced myself to cry. I laid on my bed and put on the two saddest songs I could find and just cried for 10 minutes. I felt so much better. I just didn't want to be around people and found myself thinking such negative thoughts. Most unlike me! Then my appetite came back with a vengeance and it was unstoppable.
So this morning as I woke up and did my usual visit to the bathroom, I suddenly discovered that I was not crazy but instead just PMS-ing. You have no idea what a relief it is to discover that fact. I overheard a friend saying Monday night that there is actually a hormone in our body that makes us forget about our menstrual symptoms. Now isn't that a unique but helpful insight?

Katy's Secret

It's official. It's been measured (right there in the store). I am no longer a 36C. I'm a 34B. Tragic weightloss consequence. I might as well wear a training bra.

Appetite

OH LORD HELP ME!!!!! Not only is my appetite back in full swing, but it's turned into a monster. I want to eat everything in site. And even if it's not in site, I want it. From where did these cravings appear? Seriously, I thought the Lord had answered my prayers and finally turned away my obsession with food. It looks like the obsession has only grown stronger with its absense. I need another miracle!
To make matters worse, our organization won a big award this past weekend so people keep showering our office with flowers and.....chocolate of all things! We work for a diabetes research organization. We don't need chocolate here. We need fruit. Where are the fruit baskets? I need help to save me from myself! Doesn't one kind soul understand that an office of women needs something other than an entire huge basket piled with chocolate delicacies. Chocolate heaven. Mount chocula? Or wait, maybe the person knows women all too well. But I need someone to tie me to my chair so I don't run in the kitchen one more time to take a nibble of that chocolate goodness. Decadence people. That's what it is and I can't resist.
Our office looks like a florist shop. It's beginning to smell like a hamster cage though. Have you ever noticed that? Too many flowers thrown together in an air tight place and things begin to stink. It reminds me of rush my first semester of college. After bid day, the dorm smelled of hamster cage. Perhaps it smelled a bit of urine too. And it was from the gorgeous flowers! Perhaps the smell of the flowers will make me so nauseated that I won't want the chocolate anymore. Please Lord?!!!!!

Champagne Dressing Room

I made my second trip to Bloomingdales ever...and was it EVER successful! Or damaging to the pocket book...well let's just say both.
My cousin, precious cousin Lindsay, is getting married Memorial Day Weekend. Thanks to my sudden weightloss, my dresses don't really fit me right now. So I HAD to go shopping for a new one. Bummer!
Sweet Maria came with me to 900 N. Michigan for a little shopping extravaganza. We went to one store that ended up having an event. They offered us a mini bottle of Champagne. We couldn't turn that down! Maria couldn't get it open so she put it in her bag. When we were in Bloomingdales, she noticed that it was leaking.
So after trying on about 20 gorgeous and way too expensive dresses, we decided to try to open it again. I of course got it open!!! There we sat in this huge dressing room surrounded by shrouds of material sipping out of this mini champagne bottle. I felt like a high schooler sneaking alcohol...at least what I assume one would feel like. I was a good girl and was never tempted back at that age. After not having eaten in hours, the champagne bubbles made me a little tipsy. But we were such REBELS!!!!! Or maybe we were just dorks. Either way it was fun and made us laugh.
I walked away with a gorgeous dress that hugs the curves. Hopefully it's not too much for a wedding. I tried on some other fun dresses that ended up being "askanky." That's my new term for dresses that bare it all! Wouldn't that be interesting....me in a skanky dress reading I Corinthians 13. Mercy! Thankfully God loves me for who I am!

Unsolicited Compliments 2

Yes, another comment about my backside this week!
As I was walking to rehearsal on Sunday night, I passed a man on the sidewalk who so generously stated the following:
You are the first ray of sunshine I've seen all day. Thank you for that A$$.
And there you have it, it's a phenomenon! I just gently tipped my head to the side and kept walking like I never heard anything. I have to admit that it made me nervous.

Unsolicited Compliments

Let's hear it for unsolicited compliments!! Hooray!
Today at lunch I decided to go and buy some bedding that I've had my eye on (a whole 24 hours). I've been looking for bedding for over a year now and just couldn't seem to find something that really hooked me. I have been concerned about myself ever making a decision about who to marry because apparently I can't even decide on what to put on my bed. Well, things are looking brighter because I made a decision! Hooray!....on the bedding that is, not the husband. I haven't been taking applications recently. So I buy this bedding in the basement of Bloomingdales Home Store (love that place!). As I am about to walk out the doors I notice it looks really dark outside and wonder, "when did they get tinted windows?" You see, it was warm and just slightly overcast when I went to the store, but as I left, the darkness had taken over the earth and paid it's revenge by pelting down rain! Drama! So with these two huge bloomingdale bags in my hand I decide that I have to run for it. No umbrella, no coat, no common sense. I was soaked but thankfully my new bedding stayed dry in it's plastic wrap.
Here's where the highlight of the day enters the picture. As I am crossing the street with my bags, a man runs past me and yells, "WOO HOO! WHAT A BOOTIE!" I look around to see who he's so boistrously commenting upon. Then I notice I'm the only one around. So with a raised eyebrow and my head cocked to the side, I give an approving nod. You know it! The Lord broke the mold on this one when He created it! Don't think I don't think He thought it was special! (three snaps in Z formation).
I ended up reaching the office soaked with both of my booties: the one I purchased and the one that God gave me. Now I have the song, "Do you like pina coladas, and gettin' caught in the rain" stuck in my head. At least it's Friday!!! Hooray!
Moral of the story: God made us all unique and beautiful. We need to take what we have and make the best of it. Appreciate it....and of course WORK IT!

The Diet

So what has girls all over Chicago wanting to make out with me? It's simple...my stomach virus. Everyone is hoping to catch a tidbit of this virus that has taken away my appetite and left me 12 pounds thinner. I think the weight loss is obvious considering my pants were about to fall off of me yesterday. Now, I do feel crappy and am very concerned that I have absolutely no desire to eat (because it's NEVER happened to me before) but I am elated that I'm half way to my goal weight. Thank you Lord?!
I finally went to the doctor yesterday to make sure I didn't all of a sudden come down with Type 1 Diabetes. Working for an organization that faces this disease everyday will sometimes make you paranoid that if you're really thirsty or have to go to the bathroom a lot one day that you have it. I'm pretty sure I don't but the doctors took my blood anyway.
So now I'll just have to force myself to eat "bland" food. What is "bland" food? Food I don't normally want to eat anyway! I'll figure something out. My aunt just called to tell me not to eat too much fiber for fear that the Green Monster will come back (is that too much information?). Good to know Auntie. I'll limit my intake of oatmeal.
Please don't make out with me. I'm not accepting any proposals at this time.
Thank you.

Green Monster

Is it sad when you rejoice that you've lost 7 pounds in a matter of a few days because you've been experiencing a touch of the stomach flu....or what I affectionately call it, "the Green Monster"? I believe I lost 5 of those pounds on Sunday alone. I guess I just got a jump start on my goal of losing 30 pounds in the next year. WAIT! I only have 11 months now.
I haven't even been able to eat much food. The thought of eating food makes me want to gag. It's quite the opposite of the problem I was experiencing last week. Shall we call that one PMS? Yes, I couldn't stop thinking about food and if I saw food it went directly into my mouth. It's like I didn't even have to pick it up. My internal hunger created such a force field that the food would just fly into my mouth. Seriously, what is a girl to do? If only I had gag reflexes when I saw something that I wasn't supposed to eat.
Now before you think I am borderline anorexic, take a breath. I AM NO WHERE NEAR HAVING AN EATING DISORDER. Don't need to send any interventions my way. I'm trusting that everything will be ship shape once I see a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Just what the doctor ordered! Can't you just see me with a pint of Ben and Jerry's Half Baked gagging as I'm shoving it my mouth. That stuff is irresistable. If I were held in a prison camp and they put Ben and Jerry's infront of me. I'd talk. It's that simple. See, now all of you know my weakness! Just promise me you won't use it against me.
Unfortunately I think I've only lost water weight and should be hooked up to an IV of fluids right now.
Here's to hoping the Green Monster will soon leave so I can live in peace. Cheers!

Pedestrian School

What if us pedestrians used the same tactics as cars when we make our way through the city? The following are a list of possibilities:

1) Airhorn: use this device when someone is walking too slow or to alert someone when you are rounding a corner. This can also be useful if someone cuts you off.

2) Left side of the sidewalk: This is to be used for the speedier of the pedestrians. Do not use this side if you are: walking a baby, carrying a box, walking with children, wearing high heels, over the age of 75, or have the day off.

3) Flashlight: This can be used as a more passive agressive defense compared to the airhorn. Flash it twice to alert pedestrians that they are about to get ripped into by you. This can also be used to alert pedestrian traffic that there is a large group of you trying to stick together.

4) Vocal: Don't be afraid to vocalize just as enthusiastically in public as you do in your car about how someone does not deserve to live because they can't read your mind! How dare they cut you off as you are trying to pass them in the cross walk. How dare they take the stairs slowly when the el train is pulling up. Don't they know?

5) Gestures: This would really add some great communication between people. Pedestrians in Chicago do not communicate with one another. We're all too afraid that someone will ask something of us that we aren't willing to give. This could open up that line of communication.

6) Portable windows: This can be useful when you happen upon a panhandler. Feel free to roll up this window and pretend that they aren't talking to you. This way you won't feel "uncomfortable."

7) Pedestrian School: for people who like to break the "unspoken rules" of the sidewalk.

What do you think? Add your own ideas or comments to the comments section below.

Ripped

Oh, it's just been one of those weekends. You know how I feel about my jeans. I hang onto them for years and expect them to love me back with as much respect as I've given them. Apparently I've loved one pair of jeans more than the rest.
I'd noticed that the inner thigh area of my jeans was beginning to wear thin. It's to be expected considering my thighs are best friends and sometimes a relationship this close can cause friction. Perhaps there was just too much friction recently. It all came together at one moment this weekend in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin. Climbing into my cousins huge car, I stepped up onto the floor board and stretched my legs so I could reach one foot to the ground and one into the car. As I tried to hoist myself up with my right arm and jump off my right leg I heard that noise....you know, the one where you pause for a second and say to yourself, "no, it can't be." And then you look between your legs in broad daylight without a care in the world because your precious jeans have...ripped! After a brief glance, you confirm the worst. You announce to the car load of people that you have indeed ripped your pants. You pretend it's not because the jeans were too tight but because they were loved too much. That my friends is what I claim and hold to as unwavering truth.
The part I really didn't enjoy was seeing the small part of fat spill out of that tiny hole. See, a good pair of jeans holds it in as if it were a girdle. Picture a zip lock bag of pudding. Squeeze the top so that it all is pressed into the seems of the bag. Then snip the bag at it's corner and squeeze again. You have a visual image? There, you're seeing what I saw that day. Mercy Lord!
I do tend to write about more of the shallow things in life. Maybe it's because I'm just so deep in every other aspect of my life. Ha! No, I want everyone to just enjoy themselves and not be bogged down by the burdens that life can sometimes present. Perhaps someday I will write about something more life changing than a pair of jeans ripping in an unfortunate location.
Notice the new comments section at the bottom of the page. Fun fun!

Blind Date

The email I didn't send:
Hi,
You know I had a great time getting to know you on saturday. I'm still laughing that our friend ditched us. I had a moment where I thought I was in high school again. I really would like to get to hang out with you again. I think we had a lot in common.
Anyways, I know you asked me to email you so you could have my number. I'm just giving it to you because you asked that I send it to you in case you wanted to use it. I mean, you don't have to use it. I'll understand if you don't. But if you do use it that's okay too. So don't feel like you have to use it. You just wanted me to email it to you so that I wouldn't feel awkward. Or maybe you asked that I just email you so that you wouldn't have to call me. You know, that's okay. I really didn't want to get to know you anyways! No really. It's fine that you don't want to call me. I have lots of friends and other potential dates. So just leave me alone! I don't want to hear from you. Got it? I HATE YOU!

Lookin' Good for Your Age

So it actually happened yesterday. I don't think that my new age of 29 deserved such a comment. I know the guy meant to be nice and everything but...puleeeeeeeeeeez!
Last night in class I was just chatting with a friend of mine. He caught in our conversation the phrase "it was my birthday this weekend." He promptly said a cheerful "happy birthday!" I, embarrassed, said "thanks." He asked which birthday I just celebrated. When I said 29 he paused for a moment. As soon as it sank in he just whispered a "wow" and then looked at me again, an almost up and down glance. He just stopped and thought for a second. He then said the words...the words that I never expected to hear. "You look good for your age." IS THAT A COMPLIMENT? How does one take that? It's not like I'm 75 years old and look like I'm 30. I'm a 29 year old who happens to look 22...so I've been told, ahem. At least now I'm old enough to where I won't get asked where my hall pass is if I go to visit my little brother in middle school. It seems like yesterday that I was carded for a Rated R movie. Oh wait, it was only 2 years ago.
This just gives me a mindset of how young these actors really are in my class. I mean, they think 29 is OLD???? Seriously peeps, let's get a grip on reality. Perhaps in the acting world, 29 is a bit late to get started, but come on! I'm not quite old enough to be on the show, "Thirty Something." I don't say things to them like, "hey, do you need to change your diaper?" or "call your mom to see if you can go out with us."
Whatever! I'm young, vibrant and love life. I'm not going to let this one get me down; especially since I know he didn't mean it in that way. He's just probably disappointed that I'm too old to date him. Yeah, that's it. I knew it. Poor thing, his dreams are crushed. That's a positive way to look at it. And I'm a positive person!

Sugar Withdrawl

I'm struggling through a serious sugar withdrawl. I have never eaten so much sugar in my life as I did this past weekend. I have the excuse that it was my birthday. Would somebody please tell my body? Here's a sampling of all the sugar/fat infested foods I had this past weekend:

1. Pint of Ben & Jerry's Half Baked (half Thursday night and the other half on Sunday night).

2. Chocolate Chip Cookie

3. Split a Chocolate Souffle and Creme Broulee.

4. Pancakes! And Mimosas!

5. More Chocolate Souffle and banana cream pie thingy.

6. Two and I repeat TWO cinammon rolls from Ann Sathers. And that was before the real meal. Call it an appetizer if you will.

I'm disgusting. I don't know how I could do this to myself. Monday and Tuesday were definitely days of complete narcoleptic exhaustion. Sitting at a computer could not have been harder (exaggerated by the fact that I was up at 4:50 am making airport runs for my sweet friends who came to celebrate with me). Weaning myself off of sugar was hard. Remind me never to do drugs. Especially drugs like meth or heroine....even cigarettes. Heck, caffeine is bad for you (haven't had it in 3.5 years...pat myself on the back).

All of this sugar prompted Becky, Wendy and I to set goals for ourselves this next year over a bowl of Chocolate Souffle with Peanut Butter Ice Cream. These are my goals:

1) Lose 30 lbs. by 30th birthday. A kind friend said I would be dead if I lost that much weight. Sadly, I'd still be alive and there would still be enough meat to feed a few stranded people on top of a mountain.

2) Go on four dates. I'm starting this one off this weekend. It's not really a date but more of an "introduction." No this has nothing to do with eharmony.com. Thank you very much.

3) Get an agent. This would mean I need to do something with my sad headshots.

4) Actually get paid for an acting gig. It still counts if it's $20 right?

5) Do some acting work outside of the Second City world.

I'm sure there are more that I will come up with but these are it for now. I think I have my work cut out for me. But at least I'm setting goals. Right dad? You taught me well! I want to end my 20's with a bang!!
I laughed so hard this weekend. It's so great to be around friends that know you so well. You don't have to say anything because you know what eachother are thinking about certain situations and the next thing you know, you're doubled over with laughter. We also had a great time sharing about our struggles this past year. Honesty and authenticity are refreshing!
I'm homesick for Texas this week. Maybe it's the fact that it's actually spring in Texas. I'm somehow able to smell the Texas spring. I can even smell my parents house. I just want to hug my mom and dad, pet the dogs and force my little brother to snuggle with me on the couch. My sister and I will laugh at ourselves while my older brother and I develop some new comedic character. I love the uniquenss of my family. My dad said our family motto is "love 'em anyways." My mom quickly said that she would never allow that to be our family motto. Secretly, I think we all know that fits us just perfectly.

It's Awesome!

You know those times in your life when you perform to your potential and you know you just nailed it? No, it wasn't me performing my gymnastics beam routine. I never nailed it. I had split the beam too many times in practice. I was very afraid of that event...and for good reason too. What I am referring to is me yesterday in my final Level 1 Conservatory class. It was just the greatest feeling ever! I didn't want to leave class. It was one where you knew your classmates wondered how you did it and even your teacher was a little impressed. I am still living off of my instructors comment a couple weeks ago when he said, "Katy, both times you went up there were awesome. How did it feel?" "great." "Well, it should. Good job." I mean, a compliment from Gellman? I was on Cloud 9.
Oh dear, I just bragged on myself. Well if I can't brag on myself in my blog, then when can I? (don't answer that roommates)
I'm pretty excited about my 29th birthday coming up. I really think this will be a great year saying goodbye to my 20's and ushering in my 30's. I still look 16, so what does it matter? Just think of all the potential great things that can happen this year! There will probably be some tears, some heartaches and challenges. But I also know that there will be great adventures, new friends, life changing memories and many wonderful surprises (there better be!).
Yesterday was the first spring like day we've had in a long time...well since that freak day back in January. I think everyone crawled out from under rocks and from their homes. Chicago really is populated. You can't tell that so much in the winter. Only in Chicago will someone be wearing shorts and no shirt throwing a frisbee when it's still 50 degrees out. But to us, it's like a nice summer day. I think we all are just desperate for warmth and the hope of spring. Not only for the weather but for our lives. We are sick of hibernating and want to experience life outside of our four walled homes. Pretty soon I'll be smelling hot dogs as I leave the el and walk home. The summer Wrigley crowd will get on my nerves and the drunk post-game people will yell under my window. It will be beautiful!
But for now, I'll suffer through the current snowy and 30 degree weather. My how things can change in a matter of hours! But just as things can change for the worse, there's always hope for the better. I'll hang onto that one for today.

Gotta Be the Jeans

Yesterday was a little reminiscent of last year's trip to Victoria's Secret. I needed a new pair of jeans. I have two pairs of great Lucky jeans. I bought one pair in 2003 and the last pair in 2004. So I figured now that it's 2005, it's time for a new pair.
I had read on "Daily Candy" that there is a new place called "The Denim Lounge" on Rush. It's supposed to have a whole downstairs room of different kind of jeans...ones that are sure to fit any body type. Alleluia! So yesterday I skipped on down to The Denim Lounge to check out their variety of jeans. They had so many! One woman asked if she could help me. I said "Yes. I am looking for a new pair of jeans. I'm a little larger in the thigh and hip region (which some people are a fan of). Do you have any jeans that are more friendly in that area?" I mean, Katy got back. With a questionable face she sucked in air through her clinched teeth, "well, we used to have a large amount, but most of them sold out." Shucks. But I came to realize that they sold out of those because EVERYONE is made that way. They had so many left over "skinny" jeans because no one could fit into them! Blah blah blah blah blah....you know the drill.
So she began pulling out a few pairs that may or may not work for me. The skinny thing pulled out a great pair of jeans and said "these are the kind of jeans I'm wearing." Well that pretty much sealed the deal that I wasn't about to try them on because no way would my body fit in a jean that housed skinny thighed women. I don't want anything to do with those! I did decide to try on 5 pairs...each got more depressing as I struggled to get them over my thighs. Seriously though, it's a little sad that some of these "thigh friendly" jeans were tight around my calves. I think it's because I'm an "athletic" girl. I run and have calves that don't like to be squeezed into those fashionable knee high boots. I have to go for the stretchy fake leather boots that hug my calves oh so nicely. It's not like they are "fat" calves, they're extremely muscular with a horseshoe shape to them. Enough defending my calves that were hand crafted by God.
I left the store with shoulders rounded and slowly made my way to Bloomingdales where I had a meeting in 30 minutes. 10 pairs of jeans later I had found 2 that worked. Of course they are a good 4 inches too long in the leg. But who cares! I found 2 pair that looked semi-decent on me. So what if I had to spend an arm and a leg on them, I look good! I do however need to invest in undershirts that cover the "crack" area that likes to be revealed in today's more fashionable jeans.
When you find a good pair of jeans, you've got to jump on it. Some guys may be thinking this is an insane concept. But all the women out there know exactly what I'm talking about. Think of it like this guys...jeans are to women like an x-box game is to guys.
Hmmmmm....think on that one.

Body Wrap

So I have a new boyfriend...he doesn't know it yet. His name is Nathan and he works at the Red Door Spa in downtown Chicago.
You may remember me mentioning the wonderfully generous gift my mother gave me for Valentines Day. Yes, I was the recipient of a "Shea Butter Body Wrap" from the Red Door. Honestly, I had no idea what this meant. It just sounded like it would moisturize my skin which is something I could use during this dry and violent Chicago winter. At times I resemble a snake molting. Very sexy I must say.
I scheduled my appointment for President's Day because I didn't have to work...hip hip hooray!!!!! I read on line that this treatment involves body exfoliation and being wrapped in cellophane. Sounds good to me! When I scheduled the appointment they said Susan or someone like that would be doing my treatment. Fabulous!
So yesterday I eagerly entered the Red Door Spa (which is a little under construction so it seems ghetto when you enter the building. The spa itself is in good shape). I pranced to the welcome desk, gave them my name and showed them my gift certificate with a smile...BING! The kind woman said that Maya would do my manicure, Margarita my pedicure and Nathan my body wrap. Perfect...wait, NATHAN????? Wait a second, that sounds a little masculine to me. No big deal. I've had a massage by a male before...he was gay so it didn't bother me. But wait, this whole body exfoliation thing made me wonder if I knew what i was in for. I mean, I've had exfoliation done before and let's just say that it wasn't for the modest. There was no hiding anything there.
Oh well, I was quickly being escorted to the changing area and didn't have time to really think this whole modesty thing over. I changed into those spa shoes and oh so comfy spa robe (I wanted to steal it but it wouldn't fit in my purse). I sat in the waiting are where they offered us beverages of cucumber or lemon flavored water. A room of women sat quietly afraid to disturb someone elses relaxation. Slowly but surely, the staff would come by and read off a name and a woman would quietly rise to receive her treatment. I was left alone to contemplate my impending destiny with Nathan and how he was probably gay so it would be no big deal. But before I could think too much, a young man with a ruddy complexion and curly hair read my name from a piece of paper. I could tell from the way he read it that he was a straight arrow.
He escorted me back down a long hallway that had many twists and turns. I have to admit that it's an odd feeling being led into one of these rooms. You know that there's great relaxation and pampering on the other side of the door but you also feel like a cow being led to the slaughter. We walked through a door into a dark room where there was soft music and a comfortable massage table. He said that when he left the room I could remove my robe and slip between the towels on the table. He also pointed out the disposable panties that I could use if I felt more comfortable. AWKWARD!! "Oh, okay, thank you very much." "I will be exfoliating your body. Is there any area that you would like me to avoid. For instance, I will exfoliate your stomach unless you feel uncomfortable." "No, no, that's fine. I'm fine with everything. I'm totally comfortable. This is totally normal. I'm not modest or afraid. I have no problems stripping down to the bare essentials and letting a stranger exfoliate my skin...a male stranger that is!" So with an awkward smile, he left the room and I psyched myself up to remember this is nothing. He's done this before. He's an expert. He went to school for this for goodness sake! It's almost like seeing a male gynecologist. Except that it's nothing like that. Gynecological visits leave you feeling a bit violated. I would leave this feeling totally relaxed!
So there I laid as he entered the room. I just closed my eyes and pretended that a woman named Bertha was scrubbing my body. Thankfully he was very appropriate and I didn't have to bare anything that wouldn't normally be seen in a bikini.
I just let myself enjoy it. Not only was I wrapped in warm oil and cellophane, I also got a head massage and a neck and back massage too. I just wanted to put him in my pocket and take him home! It was one of the most relaxing experiences EVER! I highly recommend it...and be sure to ask for Nathan.

Hot Date!

HOT DATE!!!! You may be asking your self in excited anticipation, "Katyo has a date?!!!!" Oh, I so wish I could be saying those words. No it's not me....it's my 14 year old brother! That's right, Drew has a date. Well it's more of a movie date with a group, but his "main squeeze" will be there. When my sister IM'd me that Andrew had a girlfriend I almost went bolistic. I mean, this is his first girlfriend. Of course I called him immediately after work to get the scoop. He was a little distracted because he was IM'ing people so I scolded him. I said, "I am your favorite sister who never sees you and you can't take 5 seconds to tell me about this huge development in your life!?" Okay, so maybe I'm exaggerating a bit but I said something similar. I asked what she looked like and if I knew her (since I worked with his class when I did K-Life). He responded saying, "She's the cutest girl I have ever seen." Uh, my heart just broke because he was my little brother, my 14 year old brother, crushing hard on a girl. I have to say that it's just so sweet and I couldn't help but be giddy. He said he "dropped hints" to let her know that he liked her. So cute! He also said that she was a really great Christian girl. Music to my ears. Erin, my sister, read some of the letters they exchanged (he let her). She said it's the cutest thing ever.
So I have to admit that I had an angry fit/pity party on tuesday night. I don't know what came over me because I had an incredibly fun girls night (aka. Ro-Tic party "romantic party with out the MAN") at my apartment on Valentines. It was mostly me, God and my journal. I had some words with Him. Mostly saying things like, "I mean, my 14!!! freakin' year old brother has a girlfriend!" This is completely immature and most unlike me. I mean hadn't my roommate, Janell, just mentioned to me earlier that weekend that I'm an inspiration to her because I rejoice in my singleness? I must have had a weak moment...or week.
You may be wanting an update about my eharmony.com adventures. Well, I've become the entertainment for all married or currently attached women in my life; especially my office. I must give updates about findings almost hourly. I do have to say that Jim from Wheaton and I have really progressed far in our relationship. We're in stage 4. I've gone the farthest with him. That's a joke. Yes, if you did online dating, you would understand that joke. But you don't, so you don't get it. Ha! I have an inside joke...with myself.
I really hate the whole idea of online dating. I prefer there being some sort of connection. I am pretty much forcing myself to do this so I will "take a risk" and have some adventure in my life. But it also provides for some great writing material. Research, yes research! That's why I'm doing this. It sounds so much less pathetic! But it is kind of fun. Can I just make a suggestion to all guys out there? NEVER and I repeat, NEVER take a picture of yourself without your shirt on and post it online in expectation of making girls swoon over you. That immediately sends me to the "close" button and "click" you're gone forever. Have some tact peeps!
I'm off to do something fun this weekend! Who knows what it holds. I hope it's filled with laughter, fun stories and adventure. I wish you all many blessings!

Be My Valentine

Monday is Valentines Day. Once again, let's chalk up another year of me being single on Valentines Day. Each year I wonder, "maybe this will be the year! Maybe a year from now I will receive a valentine from someone other than my family." But each year I end up wondering the same thing.
I should really think of it in positive terms such as: I don't have to spend money on a present my valentine may or may not like. I don't have to have that awkward "what do we get eachother since we've been dating only 3 weeks?" conversation with myself. I take a moment to give thanks for all the wonderful friends I have in my life. My parents take pity upon me and send me wonderful Valentine gifts. I don't have to wonder if my boyfriend of 14 months will finally propose on valentines day. There are no expectations...therefore I have freedom. Ha! I am so lucky! I am free....to do what I want...whatever that is.
I do have to say that my mom gave me an incredible gift. At this point, if I had to choose between a mediocre boyfriend or the Spa Package my mom gave me, I'd choose the Spa Package. Hello! Me and the Red Door Spa have a date! And it could get intimate. I do believe I saw a Body Butter selection in the package.
So in honor of me being single once again on this holiday (I'm not bitter, just aware), I decided to sign up for eharmony.com. Now I didn't pay anything b/c I don't think I could do it. BUT, I did have fun filling out 200 questions about myself. I'm weird like that. I like learning more about myself...how wonderful I am...the usual. I've received some interesting "matches." I have yet to receive one that lives in my same city. It's kind of sad. I have no match here in this city. NO WONDER I'M SINGLE!!! I guess I'll have to move. Must of my matches live in California. What does that say about me? I'm weird. Gotta love the quirkiness.
Let's see about my matches:
Warren - lives in Cali, love sports, Jesus and sounds a bit competitive. Has promise.
Brian - lives in Pennsylvania, likes to socialize and laugh, has a good time. I enjoy those things too.
Jose - lives somewhere in Wisconsin, admires Mother Theresa, very close with his family. again, could be a match.
Cheong - Lives in Cali, sounds smart, loves Jesus, a little more serious than me.
Roger - can't remember much about him.
Anyways, hoping for a few more pick's. But I'm sure these are lovely gentlemen. I have to admit that I signed up for this but when I read about other people who do I think, "oh, they must be lonely and can't meet anyone." That is such a double standard! Maybe they are normal people like me (if you call me normal). They are just willing to take risks and don't struggle with their pride like I do. So I merely am humbling myself and allowing God to work in ways I swore I would never allow myself to take part in. He's funny like that. And I'm proud like that.
Oh wait, another match...please God, please!

Update on Me

My mom called me while I was at a friends house over Christmas to tell me that my headshots had finally arrived! With great anticipation I flew home to open up the Fed/Ex package. I dropped the contents on the kitchen island and began to scan over the pictures. Let's just say, blech! Not a one was pleasing to my eye. Maybe it's because I was looking at the whole picture instead of all the individual shots that may hold some potential in them. Deep down I knew they sucked. You know when your mom and dad look at the pictures and say they look nothing like you (and in a bad way) that they aren't any good. Even my yearbook pictures from the awkward teen years looked better than these! Am I to believe that I was more photogenic as an early teen with braces and bangs than I am now? I mean, when did my nose get so big? And yes, the makeup looked caked on. It just wasn't me! I think I would have had better luck taking pictures of myself with a wind up camera. Somehow I'll have to make them work for now.
It's 50 degrees today! 50 degrees...in Chicago...in February! The Lord has blessed me and made His face shine upon me!
It's definitely a big change from the blizzard that we had here a couple of weeks ago. It just happened to be the weekend that my parents and older brother came to visit from Dallas. It was hilarious. We went to see 'Jesus Christ Superstar' (great musical...a little off on it's theology). As we walked out of the building it was like being on top of a mountain during a white out blizzard. In our heels and lack of hat or scarves, we hoofed it back to our hotel. We were laughing so hard because we had no choice. The wind was whipping the snow across our faces leaving sting marks and trains of mascara. We found refuge along with the homeless in these small doorways along Randolph and Michigan Avenue. We would stop for only a moment to psych ourselves up to head back out into the cold. I have to say that we did it with great humor. We took a picture of Patrick's hair and he looked like Richard Gere. I am pretty impressed with the heels I wore. I jogged one mile in those suckers...in the snow. Impressive.

How Observant

I must be an idiot or someone who just doesn't get it. Everytime I go in for a facial or an eyebrow waxing, I get excited for the pampering and the fact that I'll walk out looking better than I came in. It's like I'm doing something good for myself. I should walk away feeling confident and simply gorgeous! Everytime I leave from a facial or an eyebrow wax, I feel anything but. What is it with me and waxing? I had an appointment at the Nordstrom Spa on Friday. It's very convenient, just down the road from my office. I am taking headshots tomorrow so I wanted to make sure that my eyebrows looked manicured and perfect for a closeup of my face. As I am escorted into a serene room, I am asked to lay down on a bed that is covered with an expensive material. I'm lying there eager for the outcome when all of a sudden, the esthetician pulls a circular florescent light right up to my face. If I hadn't closed my eyes quickly, I'm sure I would be suffering from blindness from this day forth. She begins to poke and prod my face. She asks while pointing to an obvious monstrosity on my face, "are you pre-menstreul"? I wanted to say, "DUH!!! Aren't you observant. Hey everybody, it's Sherlock Holmes! He does facials now." I go in for a simple eyebrow wax and they can't just focus on that area! Why do they have to pick apart all of the flaws of my skin? Fun Memory: My mom, sister and I had a fun girls weekend in June and we stayed downtown in a gorgeous hotel and decided to have a spa day. We were giddy for our facials, massages and manicures. Each of us left for our individual facials with a smile. Each of us returned with tears filling our eyes. My mom said, "I feel ugly and old." My 20-something sister had a similar comment. I felt like any moment I would come down with skin cancer and I should put all sorts of ointments and moisturizers on my face or there would not be a hope in the world for me. I would end up wrinkled without my nose at the age of 30. I felt as though I was in the principals office being scolded for something I really had no control over. I was waiting for a spanking for daring to have teenage acne at the age of 28.
Back to the present: So I have these headshots tomorrow and wouldn't you know it, it's prime time pre-menstreul blemish explosion on my face. WHY GOD, WHY!!! I'm hoping the photographer can do a nifty little thing with photoshop. Then she asks, "would you like me to wax your upper lip." "Sure, why not, I want to look magnificent!" As I am handed the mirror, I almost screamed! My eyes had strips of red skin just under the brow while my upper lip looked as if I had a red mustache. The horror! Even more horrific, I had to go out in public like that. How could I make my way from the 3rd floor or the Northbridge mall to the streets of Michigan Avenue with no one asking me what happened to my face. You have to give us women credit, we do some pretty ridiculous things to look good. As I passed a store, I was enticed by the material goods so I had to walk in to make a possible purchase. I caught one glimpse of myself in the mirror. It was worse than I thought! I practically ran out there and cursed the weather for being too warm for a scarf that day. I could have wrapped it around my head and walked around incognito. Thankfully it was dark and raining outside. I had one hour before I met friends for a movie. I spent that hour walking up and down Michigan Avenue hiding my face with an umbrella and hoping the cold air would sooth the stripped skin. I felt anything but confident and sexy. Is it an estheticians job to make you feel bad about yourself? No, but it helps their career to point out all your flaws and say that your only hope is them! You just can't win!

I'm the Kind of Person Who...

I'm the kind of person who:
1) enters the bathroom and makes faces at herself in the mirror or performs some sort of broadway musical dance. I do this mostly to let out my inner wild side...and only when alone or with a very close family member or friend.

2) prefers to sleep in a tank top and underwear.

3) dresses and undresses even with the curtains open because I really don't care who sees.

4) walks around naked in my apartment when no one is home...now I don't come home, undress and walk around naked just because I can. It's usually when I am getting ready...drying hair, etc. It gets hot!

5) doesn't always write honestly in my journal for fear that someday someone will make a movie out of my writings.

6) hopes that someday someone will make a movie out of my writings.

7) doodles on papers so I look busy and important.

8) is more visual.
9) can't flirt worth a lick!

10) changes underwear multiple times a day depending on what I'm wearing.

11) thinks it's important to floss but is lazy when it comes to flossing.

12) sings at the top of my lungs in my car.

13) busts out in song if someone says something that triggers that song.

14) will make up the words to a song if I don't know them.

15) can wake up in the morning with my hair looking just as good as it did the night before without even brushing it.

16) can't seem to get all the mascara off my eyelashes at night.

17) likes to laugh at herself, even when no one else does.

18) could eat Ben and Jerry's ice cream for meals.

19) will sleep in my bed without sheets if I'm too tired to put clean sheets on my bed.

20) loves anyone who made it through this list!

Life Soundtrack

I so think that my life would be more interesting and dramatic if it had a soundtrack playing in the background as I walked through life. Right now I'm listening to Maroon 5's 'She Will Be Loved' and I'm picturing myself walking along the Michigan Avenue Bridge alone while it's dusk and there's a slight chill in the air. While longingly a tall dark and handsome man looks down from his office and says to himself..."now there's a woman!" Wouldn't life seem so much less lonely if you knew that a soundtrack was playing?
People reading this might think that I'm obsessed with movies and the more dramatic side of life...is it that obvious? It's not like I'm a hopeless romantic or anything...please!
Sitting in my cubicle right now I'm thinking more of a Dolly Parton's 'Working 9 to 5'. Oh yeah, what a way to make a livin'.
Walk into my apartment and you would think the appropriate song would be more along the lines of 'Frosty the Snowman' or 'Winter Wonderland.' Yes, I am aware that it's not even Thanksgiving and I have my tree up. Get off my back and let me enjoy it! Geesh!
I'm waiting for 'It's Raining Men' to even be an option on the Life of Katy Soundtrack.

Mr. Darcy

So much has been going on. I'm sure you've been waiting with baited breath to know all the goings on of my life. I've completed two half-marathons...put them together and you got a whole one. Bada bang bada boom. Interesting thought: both my times put together makes for a faster marathon than any of my other three. Another interesting thought: I trained for one and not the other yet felt much more in shape after taking off 1 month from running. My new training method = no training at all! Woo hoo!!!! Yet I will continue to carb load for months on end.
The other day I found myself driving along lakeshore drive staring out the window at the rugged sea (aka. Lake Michigan) and wondering "where the heck is my Mr. Darcy?!!" Proudly I admit that I watched all 6 hours of A&E's version of 'Pride & Prejudice' this weekend starring the love of my life (for this moment anyway), Colin Firth. If I really thought about it, Elizabeth Bennett destested Darcy until the very end and I don't want to marry anyone that I detest. So maybe I don't want a "Mr. Darcy" per say but more of a Colin Firth that makes you melt when he stares at you with that half smile. You can hear women around the world giving me a hearty "AMEN!" I am trying my hardest to hold back from having a Colin Firth dedication week. I do believe my next favorite characters would be, of course, Mr. Darcy in 'Bridget Jones' and that of the sweet broken-hearted man in 'Love Actually.' I may fall into temptation this week. It doesn't look good.
I also want to warn all of you that there are dangers associated with shopping. It was one fateful evening in October when I was tempted to try on a cute hot pink zip up velour hoodie. I slowly put down my purse and on the way up I pulled a muscle in my gludious very maximus area. I just want to say, BE CAREFUL! Only I could pull a muscle shopping! Maybe God's trying to tell me something. Hmmmm....
Today is my most wonderful dad's birthday. His 60th!!!! But he'll be the first to tell you that he feels 25, except that he pulls muscles every week. He is the kindest, most generous and loving father anyone could ask for! And so funny and wise too! Perhaps I'm not married b/c he set way too high of a standard for me. Alas....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!!!

Garden State

So I haven't written in a while. That's becoming a common phrase with my weblog. It's because I've become so busy and important. You should feel lucky that I'm even writing in this at all. I'm busy and important and am only taking time out of my busy and important life to write in this because I've been asked by all the non-busy and unimportant people to write something new.

Actually, I've been reading Zach Braff's blogs from his Garden State website. He's really hilarious. You know, I think we could be friends. Seriously. You know all normal people like me say that about stars they have a semi-crush on. I was inspired by his blogging and decided to write a little blog myself.

So I had a dream about him the other night. Actually, he was in my dream. Lucky him. He was dating some gorgeous friend of mine (not my friend really but someone I made up in my dream that was my friend and happened to be pretty) but he really wanted to be dating me (of course!). What does this dream say about me really? Not quite sure.

Go see the movie Garden State. I thought it was a beautiful movie. Can I please play the part of Natalie Portman sometime in my acting career. Maybe I need to take up writing again so I can write myself a part like that. Hmmm, I'll do that when I'm not so busy and important.

Two fun/funny awkward things happened recently.
1) a guy in my class pulled me aside and said that of all people he knows, he could really see me going places in the improv/acting world. Then he followed it up by saying, "I'm not hitting on you or anything, I have a girlfriend." Okay, thanks. But seriously, that was kind of him to say that.

2) I walked up to my apartment after class and the entry way doors were open with two guys looking at the mailboxes. I said hi and they wouldn't stop talking with me. One guy kept asking me questions. He asked if I was from here and of course I responded that I was from Texas. He said, "I could tell." "Why, is it my southern charm?" "No, it's just that you said hi."
Okay, I get that. But then he would stop me mid comment and say, "You have really nice eyebrows. I like the thickness and shape of them." Okay, thanks. "I really like your cheekbones." "You have great teeth and a beautiful smile." Gee Whiz, you're so kind. "Do you have a boyfriend?" Caught off guard I responded, "no, do you have a boyfriend? I mean, we do live near boys town." Plus the eye brow and cheekbone comments threw me a bit.

So I have pretty eyebrows, cheekbones and a gorgeous smile. Plus I'll become a star actress. Not bad for one night if I do say so myself.

I'm going to go stare at myself in the mirror and contemplate my eyebrows.

10 Year Reunion

Reunited and it feels so good....
I can almost hear the music playing. Hmmmm.

The 10 year high school reunion has finally arrived. I remember being back in high school and feeling like the 10 year reunion was a lifetime away. I can't believe it's actually 24 hours away! I'm really looking forward to spending time with friends, seeing people who I have not seen in 10 years, and seeing how much people have changed or remained the same. Personally I think that I am basically the same person. Others may not see it that way. NO ONE but my closest friends would ever have believed that I would move up here to Chicago to pursue a comedic acting career. I'm sure they thought of me as the snobby girl who wouldn't talk to them. The truth is that I was too shy to talk to people who weren't my close friends. That's a little extreme. I made many friends but wasn't exactly "miss outgoing."
Somethings about me have changed and some haven't. For instance, my thighs have altered a bit but my teenage acne is still here. How can I be 28 and still have teenage acne?!!! Shouldn't clear skin be a reward for making it through the teenage years? Apparently not. The sad thing is that I really didn't have acne in high school. Maybe I'm just a late bloomer. I didn't lose my baby fat until I was 23. But suddenly I've gained it again. Hmmm, how did that happen? Two words: BEN and JERRY.
In high school, I imagined myself at my 10 year reunion. I was married to a wonderful man who loved me, loved Jesus, loved the idea of a large family. We would live in Colorado and work for a summer camp with our three kids in tow. It sounds like one big MASH game (which I have to admit I still play. The last MASH I played had me married to Aaron Eckhardt, driving an Infinity FX with my 6 kids, working as an actress and living in a Ranch house....not too shabby). Oh, and I would have been 20 pounds thinner. DANG! I forgot to lose 20 pounds before the 10 year reunion! I don't think I can do that in 24 hours and still be remotely healthy enough to attend the festivities. Oh well, I'll just have to go as myself. I feel that I am more secure now that I was back then. I hope that's true for all of us.
I had quite an exceptional class. I was honored to be with the most brilliant, beautiful, kind, loving, hilarious and creative people. I'm excited to see where we've all come and to know how we got there. No doubt these stories will be interesting.
In the meantime I'm just going to figure out what I"m going to wear. That's a whole other issue. Seriously! What does one wear to their 10 year reunion? I want to look sophisticated, not 16. But I don't want to look like I work in an office. You can't go wrong with cute, but then again, I've been "cute" my whole life. Maybe it's time for another look. Too bad I haven't cut my hair in 4 months and I'm in dire need of a pedicure. It's a little late for "Extreme Makeover." But I don't need to take those drastic measures.
Maybe I should invest in a good pair of SPANX

Prized Idiot

I walked into work on Wednesday feeling cool and refreshed after a five day trip home to be with my family over the Independence day holiday.
I looked cute in my new Banana Republic skirt with a nice sweater tank top that sported my nice tan (praise the Lord it covered up my drastic running tank tan line...again, not that I've been running). I sit down and greet those walking in and all of us chatting merrily about our holiday weekends. That's when my boss walked up to remind me that we had an important meeting that morning and I needed to go home and change into a suit. THE HORROR!!! First of all, I don't like doing things wrong. If I've done something wrong, I want to be the one who recognizes it. So red faced from embarassment and moments away from a panic attack, I raced home in a taxi ($12 down the drain thank you very much) and changed into a suit (and we all know I don't like suits). Then as I'm walking to my car to drive back to work, a hem of one of my pants comes undone and I have to tack it up with huge safety pins. I park my car ($12.25 more down the drain) and sneak back into work so that no one really notices. The meeting went great but my esteem was shattered. Ultimately no big deal, but I might as well have had the word IDIOT pasted to my forehead.

Last night I had a fun 50 minute journey home from class. As I stood on the platform waiting for the Red line for 30 minutes I kept contemplating jumping ship and riding home in a taxi. But due to the previous days' events I decided I needed to save the money. FINALLY the el arrived and I stepped into a crowded car. One thing I've learned is that if they el is running late, expect it to be packed with people when it arrives. I wasn't disappointed. I noticed people weren't sitting in the seats and then I noticed why. Hot Dogs smashed on the floor. Hamburger buns sticking to the windows with a paste of mustard and...gag...ketchup (can't stand the smell of ketchup). Now I'm no detective but I'm going to guess that someone had had a food fight.
So I ride home trying not to dry heave and pretend that nothing is abnormal with food thrown all over the car. It's late but I decide to walk through the alley anyways. Honestly, it's better lit than the side walks and plenty of other people decided to take the same route (don't worry mom). Some random man with a back pack starts singing at the top of his lungs and swaying back and forth. He starts looking behind him and I immediately speed up my pace to just get out of there. As soon as I pass him, I notice he stops behind a dumpster. Next thing I know, I hear something similar to Niagra Falls. Well that just made my night. I got to hear a man urinating in the street (don't like that word either). I exchanged comments with a fellow innocent bystander and headed home to the safety of my apartment.

What an exciting life I do lead.

Instant Messenger

A random sampling of an instant messanger conversation with a friend who shall remain nameless. My life is so exciting.


ME: i just had to say "diet soda" b/c we can't use coke here and no one gets the universal language of "coke"

FRIEND: haha! damn yankees - they so don't know how to talk. ex: "hey Katy, i'm heading over to the coke machine...want a coke?" Katy: "yes please." me: "what kind?" Katy: "Fresca if they have it." oh, the wonder of the southern talk...

ME: it's so great. it's like an inside secret. Fresca...the drink of the 90's along with Shasta and Tab

ME: I mean 80's

FRIEND: i had a fresca yesterday & thought of you.

ME: ahhhhh. I think everyone thinks of me when they drink fresca. maybe I should be their spokesperson.

FRIEND: i think of my dad, too. the original fresca drinker.

FRIEND: 1 hour, 15 min.

ME: you're right. i think he taught me everything.

ME: how dare you dartegnian or whatever

ME: 6 hours!

FRIEND: Dartanian!

ME: I like my spelling better.

FRIEND: woohoo...hey, dont' you get off at 445?

ME: yes. so 5:55 left

FRIEND: i see.

ME: you better
ME: ah, makes me smile

FRIEND: >:o>:o>:o>:o

ME: >:o

FRIEND: i like em small. they are scarier that way to me for some reason.

FRIEND: i think it's the beady eyes.

ME: >:o

FRIEND: what's up w/ this guy?

ME: open mouth, insert foot

ME: that's what I assume it is

FRIEND: really? i wondered if it were a sick person w/ a thermometer in their mouth?

FRIEND: this is a blog conversation waiting to happen.

ME: it's an episode of seinfeld

ME: i like it. i may have to include it

FRIEND: yep

Resident Alien

Apologies to all who have checked this site religiously only to find that I have neglected sharing my thoughts and adventures. Thank you for expressing your concern. But yes, I am still alive and well.
It's official. There's no turning back. I have finally become a resident of the State of Illinois. The Land of Lincoln and the birth place of Ronald Reagan (which I have heard continuously this week. I really am sad that he passed away because he was a wonderful president and a man of integrity and conviction. But, he suffered greatly as well as his family. Finally he is at peace).
My journey to this residency wasn't without it's mishaps and use of maps and algarithmic equations. Why is it so hard to figure out how to get a new license? I needed everything short of a DNA test to even enter the licensing room.
Walking downtown to the Thompson Center (can't believe I found it) was much like walking down the streets of Paris or Rome (except cleaner). I seriously felt like I was in another world. But I liked it and felt like I was a world wide traveler once again. I discovered that I didn't have to wait hours upon hours in line until my name was called. But what I did discover was that I had to take a written test. A WRITTEN TEST?!!!!!!! I haven't even studied this material in over 12 years. Eenie meanie miney mo definitely came into play. TA DA! She passed! And not even barely.
From there I was ushered into a room where they took my photo, but only after they peeled the beautiful Texas license out of my hands, punched a whole in it and sent it on to what I can only imagine is a torturous chamber of fire! Weeping!
"Ma'am, can you tell me your eye color?"
"Brown"
"Height?"
"5'4"
"Weight?"
"Um. WEIGHT?! WHAT THE HECK? WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW MY WEIGHT? THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO NEED TO HAVE MY WEIGHT PARADING AROUND TOWN! WHY WOULD A BOUNCER AT A BAR NEED TO KNOW HOW MUCH I WEIGH? Calm down...breath. WILL THEY KICK ME OUT IF I WEIGH OVER 120?"

I couldn't lie. I couldn't do it. I should have said I weigh near 200 pounds. That way people will say, "you don't weigh that much" and it will be a compliment instead of thinking "she totally lied" or "that looks about right."
My picture turned out pasty and I look like a 50's housewife. Hey, it could be worse.
As I went to spend another portion of my inheritance on new license plates I saw something that has been burned in my brain. As I walked up to the counter....I can hardly say it...I saw...a man...I'll just say it!...cutting off a wart on his hand with scissors!!!!!! After 10 seconds of smelling salts, I finally came to.
So no more tickets! I'm official and I finally have my car back! Freedom of the road. I sure missed it!

Single..and Loving It!

I would say that I am a pretty happy single person. I'm not one to usually look at married couples and sigh with disappointment that I didn't have what they have. I typically look at myself as the "I'm single and loving it!" kind of gal. Others are envious of my energy and passion for life and adventure!(she says to herself). But this weekend was a gauntlet of happily married beautiful people (all whom I love and adore!).
There were about all of 4 single people at this recent wedding celebration. Me and my three beautiful friends wore the "I'm single" sashes with pride. But I have to admit that as we all danced on the dance floor I was dreading the all too inevitable "couples only dance." Sure enough "Let's Get it On" came through the speakers and yours truly did a quick about face to the singles table (exactly, why do single people have to all be put at one table as if we're the plague!? Probably because we don't fit in perfect segments of 6's or 8's. Really no big deal but just an observation). I couldn't help but to look on with hope and frustration at the same time.
But don't you think that I walked away empty handed! Oh no. There was some action! Alligators aren't the only predators on Kiawah Island. Two single men were on the prowl. One was laid claim to by a certain someone who will remain nameless, the other was one to be avoided. Unfortunately I was unable to avoid the "goodbye hug" at the end of the night. I had just met him so I'm not exactly sure why a "goodbye hug" was necessary. There was a hug, a slight pause and then I felt his nose dig into my neck as he took a big whiff. After what seemed like WAY TOO LONG he abruptly lifted his head and said, "you smell good." I muttered something about shampoo or lotion. I'm way too secure to be carried away by a statement like that. But hey, it's good to know that you smell good thank you very much.

Some fun events of the weekend that turned into one big dramatic saga:
1)Delayed flight
2)12 ft. alligator sighting
3)hearing the alligator was run over
4)Katy's purse was stolen while she strolled along the beach
5)Katy's bathing suit top broke (I'm not even going to mention the previous fear of the bikini not fitting, but I'm sure it was only due to it being well-worn) Thank you Carrie for letting me borrow an extra strap so I could strap myself in good and tight.
6)Katy cancelling her credit and debit cards
7)Katy finding her purse at the front desk and rejoicing with tears b/c she didn't have to figure out a way to get home without a picture ID
8)More delayed flights on the way home
9)Rachel and Katy unable to find eachother as they wander around Charleston
10)Luggage being lost and not returned until over 24 hours later
11)Finally being able to brush my teeth! Priceless.

It's Gettin' Hot in Here!

It's getting hot in here and yes I wish I could take off all my clothes. Not that the office would much appreciate that one...or EVER want to see me again.
What is it with this city?! As my dad said, "In Chicago, if you don't like the weather wait 5 minutes."
Okay, I don't need to bash the city. Who cares if I am sitting in a puddle of sweat today and that tomorrow it may be snowing! I mean, it's more the fact that the air conditioning in this office is broken and I can hardly concentrate because I began to panic when I feel a bead of sweat forming on my brow. I love it too when you have dark lines on your shirt because your pudgy tummy catches your shirt in it's rolls and it stains it with sweat.
For all of you who were sweet enough to read my Europe emails, this may sound familiar. I laid in bed the other night paralyzed because any movement could cause me to break out in severe persperation. Finally my roommate agreed to turn the air conditioning on so that I could sleep and wouldn't be grouchy. I just can't sleep when it's hot. And when it's hot, that just seems to be all I can talk about. Just ask Trey, he'll tell you.
I often wonder if I would rather be severely cold or severely hot. The jury's in and I'd just rather be perfectly comfortable thank you very much.
My avid readers and fans will be happy to know that I just returned from being waxed by a new person....drumroll please....she was great, quick and painless. I've finally found my new bikini waxer! (que the trumpets). Let's just hope she doesn't get married and move away and I have to start over from square one again.
ARGH! I'm finally squeaky clean in the unmentionables area but I am a little frightened by the fact that I have to squeeze myself into a bikini that may or may not fit me. I know where the bikini is, I see it and it taunts me. I can barely bring myself to try it on. I might as well get it over with. I'm secretly hoping that I'll be so turned off by myself that I'll throw away all the movie candy that sweet Maria brought over last night for girls movie night and I will never be tempted by "bad" food again. Or maybe I'm secretly hoping that I look great in my bikini. I mean, all I really need is a good tan right? Tan fat is prettier than pale fat. That's my motto!

Personal Care: Hunting for Women

So I'm on the hunt for a new bikini waxer. I went to the same person for 11 years. Sweet Lee who knows my life story and all of my friends has moved on. Talk about a tragic moment in my life! I thought Lee would always be around. I had plans of her waxing me before my wedding, seeing pictures of my kids, etc. She was a fixture in my life. She was there when I got my drivers license for the first time. She helped me through two years of cheerleading (can't mess around with short skirts and bloomers. High kicks and toe touches made sure I saw Lee at least once a month). I saw her on my visits home from College. She even wished me the best as I headed around the world. I could almost shed a tear!
Hunting for a new bikini waxer is no easy task. You try to get recommendations from other people but that doesn't always work. Then you have to actually go through the bikini waxing experience with this new person. It's so personal and vulnerable. You don't just trust anybody! And when it doesn't work, IT DOESN'T WORK! It's enough to make a grown man cry for his momma. It's a sort of trial and error if you will. It can be very similar to going to a new hair stylist except the pain ratio is much higher. But at least if it's a bad job, you don't have to wear a hat for the next six months.
Men have no idea what we go through! Seriously! Let's take the most sensitive part of our skin, throw some hot wax on it, rub a piece of cloth over it until it sticks like cement, and for kicks...RIP IT OFF! This sounds like some kind of torture if you ask me. That's why it's imperative that you find someone you trust, who's good at what they do and makes it as quick and painless as possible.
I have to admire Bikini Waxers. That is definitely not something I would want to do for a living. I mean, they have to pretend that it isn't in anyway awkward or weird. When you go to a new waxer for the first time you pretend that "hey this is normal, this is good. I've done this before. No it doesn't bother me that I'm exposed." Then you bring up insincere conversations of "where you from? How are the kids? No I'm not interested in new lotion that can keep me from breaking out but will break the bank."
Oh Lord I hope no boys read this. Wait, I take that back. If they do read it, they will be better men for it. I applaud any guy who made it through this ranting and raving.
I'm nearly ready to hit the beach. I just have to take care of this one little thing...

10 Random Thoughts

Some random thoughts for the day:
1) My recent word of addiction has been "HYSTERICAL." I use it way too often and find myself saying it in almost any situation. For instance, "Katy, my dog just died." I respond, "that's hysterical!" Or I say it when someone says something funny but not funny enough to induce a laugh. So it's a deadpan "that's hysterical." Or how about when I'm just so tired and don't know how to respond. For example, "Katy, Merve just called and said he didn't get an email." I respond, "That's hysterical." I really must get a new word.

2)I just took a quiz on "which Friend are you?" I'm Phoebe. Hey, I like her. She's "hysterical."

3)I work in an office of 16 woman and some genius decided that we needed only 1 bathroom. For some reason my timing has been off lately. Everytime I get up and turn the corner, the door to the bathroom closes. There's a nice one down the hall, but let's face it, I'm lazy.

4)I had an "hysterical" thought last night. I was in a cab on the way home from my aunt's house (thanks to the many tickets provoking me to park my car in her garage. It's in hiding) and had the thought, "I need to run another marathon." Now what would incite me to think that? Maybe the fact that a diet of chocolate and carbs isn't doing it for me. Running is my only hope. At least I can do a half.

5)Why do I set my alarm for 6:15 a.m. knowing that each morning I'll change it to 7 a.m. when the alarm goes off? Do I feel more athletic or in shape just because I "think" about exercising? It's the thought that counts, right?

6)I've lost all discipline. I used to be the queen of discipline. People hated me because I was so disciplined. I don't even floss daily anymore. Maybe I should start there...with the little things.

7)I just looked through People's 50 Most Beautiful People and was disappointed not to find myself in the issue. And to make things worse, my star crush, Aaron Eckhardt wasn't in there. What has this world come to????????

8)I'm having a good hair day. It's the first in months. Note to self, the hair growing out process is not a smooth and easy transition unless you're a celebrity with a personal stylist.

9)I hate when you take a pice of gum out of it's package and the white wraps come out with the silver lining. Now all my gum will fall out into my purse and it will be squished.

10)I just read that Drew Barrymore is staring in the Movie version of "The Confederacy of Dunces." I wanted to be in that movie! Also, she lost 30 lbs. running. Why can't I be disicplined like her?

Fangorn

Things are really progressing with Trainer Brad. He actually opened up to me about a friendship he wants to turn into more of a romantic relationship. I gave him some wise counsel. I'm thinking that maybe we could come up with an agreement: He offers free training sessions in return for some wise relationship counseling. I think it's fair, not sure he would see it that way. And trust me, he needs the help!
The other day he had me doing more exercises to make sure my butt looks in great shape (too bad I counteract that with Ben and Jerry's and a tub of guacamole the other night from Adobo Grill...and milk duds - the best movie candy EVER!). He had me doing these mega stair climbs. A weight bench stood in front of me and it was my job to step up onto the bench and then raise my opposite knee (much like step class) and then switch each time. Unfortunately for me (and other innocent bystanders), I was wearing shorts.
Now, I've been using bikini wax as my favorite form of hair removal since I was a teenager. But the long winter months in Chicago had me not caring a bit whether or not things were ship shape. So all I kept thinking as I stepped up and raised my knee was, "I hope everything is tucked away down there and there aren't any surprises for potential audiences around me." I simply refer to it as "Fangorn." For those of you who could care less about the Lord of the Rings, you'll have no clue. It's a dense forrest that is believed to harbor scary things. Hence my reference to it.
I have decided that wearing long pants would be more suitable at this point. And it would improve my chances of being asked out on a date.
Laser hair removal definitely is something I want to look into. All you girls out there can just give me a big fat "AMEN"!!!!
I do realize that this particular story that I've shared might frighten people, but I'm working on being vulnerable and honest no matter the cost. They say that makes the best comedy.

Ticketed

This sunday I walked to my car for the first time in two days. And what did my eyes see? My car adorned in orange and white paper. Two tickets awaited my arrival on my driver-side window. Seriously, that was totally unnecessary.
I am a poor sad soul who allowed my Texas Registration sticker to expire. Now why the heck would any police officer from Illinois care that my TEXAS registration sticker had expired? I will leave the officer's name confidential but all I can say is DESPERATE to make QUOTA!
People are out and about in Wrigleyville enjoying the Cubs play the Mets. The police officers are also out and about enjoying the festival of tickets that they have waited so long to hand out. It's like the City of Chicago awaits Cub season so they can raise all sorts of money from poor souls like me! Two tickets within 24 hours of eachother...by the same person! Like I can do anything about a TEXAS registration sticker on a saturday or sunday. Give me a BREAK!!!
I'm working on it! I'm definitely contesting one of the tickets. I couldn't sleep last night because I kept dreaming police officers were stalking my car and adorning it with their equivolent of crate paper to a cheerleader. Not that I have anything against police officers. I greatly appreciate their hard work and their commitment to keeping all of us safe out there! They do indeed put their lives in danger by protecting us. But how is a registration ticket a danger? Don't answer that.
As I told my dad this morning, it just makes me want to be married so that someone can take care of me and certain areas of life that I tend to want to pass over or procrastinate on. Like getting the oil changed. Or someone to point out that I need to have my tires rotated because the tread is wearing thin. Like I have a clue about those things. All things cars just stress me out!
So I am $100 poorer but a whole world wiser. Thanks but I don't want to have to learn this lesson again...and again...and again.
I'm applying for a mail order groom who likes to take care of cars and leaks in the roof...oh and great when it comes to taxes and money. Leave me to the relationships and nurturing. Heck, I'll even cook!

Sprng Eternal: A Lunch Break Epiphany

Spring signifies a time of renewal and transformation. It does indeed! Yesterday as I was walking along Michigan Avenue I was overwhelmed by the warmth of the sun on my face and hoped that my hybernating freckles would finally appear. People walked a little slower, filled their lungs with fresh air and forgot their troubles momentarily.
I was almost giddy as I walked along the tulip lined street of the Magnificent Mile. It was as if they were about to burst into the air to greet the world. Green fragile leaves are peeking out from the stems that once encased them. It is like they are stretching and yawning from a long winter. The buzz of the people and the music of the birds filled the air.
It was enough to make me want to hug the silver robotic man on the corner of Chicago and Michigan. I wanted to hi-five the lady dressed in a business suit and running shoes. I wanted to yell to the cab driver honking his way through the busy street that I loved him! I was waiting for everyone to break out into song and dance as if we were starring in a musical.
There's hope of life renewed and the desire for transformation in all forms of life. It's amazing what spring can do.

Sweet Lovin': A Story of Passion & Betrayal

It is a love that has blossomed over the past few years. A love that has brought me much joy, satisfaction and happiness. Never could I have imagined my relationship with these two men to be so wonderful and so wrong at the same time.
Ben and Jerry. Their love surprised me one night at a grocery store. I looked through the pane of glass and my heart quickened. I began to read the characteristics of their gifts and an addiction was born. An addiction that still haunts me to this very day.
When I was training for a marathon there was so much joy in our relationship. They were a reward for my hard work, sweat and determination. I was in my own Utopia. They were my opium. Nothing could go wrong. They were a foundation built of rock in my life. If I was lonely, they were there. If I was joyful, they were there. If I was angry, they were there. And if I was bored, they were there. A pattern that could do no wrong. No wrong until I stopped my obsessive physical exertion. That's when the betrayal began.
What kind of betrayal you ask? The worst of it's kind. I gave them nothing but attention and consistent quality time. No they did not run away; instead they stuck to me like a listerine strip sticks to the roof of your mouth. A permanent nuisance to my once ideal life. Is this revenge? I don't understand why.
No matter how I try to turn my eyes or ignore my thoughts, I just cannot have enough of them. Even yesterday they got the best of me. Am I doomed to fail daily?
I sat there praying that I would have the strength to walk away. I found myself asking God for my favorite flavor to be missing from shelves of the Jewel frozen section. And I said, "If it is there, then that must mean that you want me to give into this animal-like behavior." And there as I rounded the corner, I saw it. "Everything But the..." staring me right in the face. I asked, "God, is this you?" Silence. "That must mean that You want me to have this." He replied, "Don't even bring me into this! You have the power to SAY NO!"
Oh treacherous deceit! They thwarted me into letting my guard down and moved quickly to devour my strenth. I gave in once again. AND IT SURE WAS GOOD!

Measuring Up

I think it's safe to say that I've had the same 2 bras for the past six years. Only now are they starting to wear a little. I am a little surprised that they lasted this long. The secret is to hang dry the lingerie. Normally I'm too impatient to do this but you don't mess around with a good bra.
Wednesday I thought it might be a good idea to try something new and different. I innocently walked into Vicky Secret's with my roommate to "just look around." Suddenly I was approached by a woman with a tape measure around her neck worn like a scarf. Yikes! I've seen one of these a little too recently.
She kindly asked if I was looking for anything in particular. I asked if she would point me in the direction of the bras. She said, "Have you been measured recently." I wanted to shout, "Yes! And it wasn't pleasant. My hips are not at a happy stage at the moment." But I refrained. Instead I said, "No, but I don't think I'm ready to be measured."
"But you need to be measured every 6 months. 9 out of 10 women wear the wrong sized bra."

"Yes, I can see that, but I'm not at a place right now, physically, that I want to be measured."

"Oh, you're wanting to lose weight?"
(thank you captain obvious!)

"Exactly. I'm just now coming out of winter hybernation."

"Most women gain weight over the winter and that's why you need to be measured every 6 months."

"Well, I don't want to be measured! Why buy a bra that's going to be too big for me in one month!" Plus I'm a risk taker! I might just buy a bra and not know for sure the right size. I'm crazy!
Why may I ask did I have to be accosted in a safe environment like Victoria's Secret? I thought women understood women. Apparently not. I mean, if I wanted to get measured, I'd go to the doctor or back to Brad to be completely humiliated. I was waiting for a "you're a little larger around the rib cage but you could use a training bra in the cup." NO THANK YOU!

A Bachelor Obsession

I didn't mean to do it. It wasn't in my plans. Perhaps it was a force stronger than myself that led me to turn on ABC last night to catch the last 40 minutes of The Bachelor. All I can say is, DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA!!!!!
I missed too much of it to really know the new cast but I caught enough of it to know that it's going to be one vicious season. All the more fun to watch!
We had an office meeting this morning in the hallway between the cubicles to discuss these important topics: 1) Who is the mole? and 2) What the heck was that with poor sweet Katie?!!
Let's start with topic #1: It seems to be a concensus in the office that it's Jenny S. Gorgeous in her own right, she's not the pageant queen/cover model the rest appear to be. Good for her! Also, she has quite a bit in common with the bachelor. So, hmmmm. We shall see.
Onto topic #2: As a Katy, I must ask, "Why is it always the Katie's of this world that get picked on, picked over, and cast to the side?!" Hello! She's totally adorable and a worthy competitor if you care to know my opinion.
Also, a guy should NEVER give advice to another guy about women. If the "host" had been a woman, Katie would have stayed on and never known she wasn't wanted. I was yelling at the t.v. and secretly waiting for Jesse to turn to Chris and say "I really wanted to give you the rose." And for Chris to reply, "Finally! I thought no one would ever notice me!"
And really, why must Chris say "Jesse, Ladies, this is the last rose" for every rose ceremony. DUH! I think we can see that and the women have been counting down the roses since the first one was handed out. He gets paid for this?!!!
And why do I care so much about this? I have no idea. And did you see the previews for the season? Two words: CAT FIGHT!

Humiliation at its Finest

It's that time of year again. The time of year when you look at yourself in the mirror for the first time in 6 months and wonder "How in the world am I going to fit into last years' bikini?" You begin having visions of yourself being arrested on the beach for indecency and the lack of discretion for wearing such a thing when you're not "physically fit" enough. Why can't America be like Italy? You see great grandmothers, obese men and women and everyother body type wearing bikinis and speedos. No one gawks horrifically at someone who has a patch of cellulite on the thighs and turns to their friend to say, "No one who looks like that should wear a bikini!" Personally, I think that's just insecurity speaking. Or maybe I am facing trial for comments like those that I spoke years ago.
Enough with that rampage. I faced a humiliating reality last week when I went to the gym to have my "physical accessment" done. Now as someone who has prided herself on great physical fitness and muscular tone, the 5 month Chicago winter has hit me like a chicago-style pizza in the thighs.
Sweet Brad, my trainer. 23 year old, just out of college Brad had the opportunity to squash my pride to the size of a nanoatom-molecularproton-amoeba thing. Lucky him. At 6am on a Monday morning he pointed towards a certain object against the wall and looked on with horror and disbelief. How could I weigh that much?!!!!!! Then came the torcher utensils. Plyer like tong things that pinch your skin and tell you how fat you are.
Three areas where most women develop insecurities:

1)The back of the upper arm.
2)The side of the stomach that rolls when you bend sideways to pick up something off the floor.
3)The abdomen directly next to the belly button that is often mutilated by the indention of pants zippers.

Not once, not twice, but three times did these areas of my body have to be pinched! Picture this:
Brad on his knees with my shirt lifted above my belly button while he takes his two fingers to grab my belly button and the skin beside only to squeeze it with this sharp tong-like object. Run on sentence...for a moment of time that kept running on.
One would think that I would be motivated enough after that humiliating incident. But no! Last night I had a gourmet shmorgasbord of fine foods at a friends house. And did I watch what I ate? Well I sure did watch the food disappear from the table and into my mouth in record like speed. I almost couldn't breath. Good times.
Learn from me. Learn from my mistakes. And live happily!

Urban Chic

Sometimes I can be known for my impulsive shopping sprees. But this one was no fault of mine. I have to blame it on Spring. Yes, Spring, as in the season. I knew something was amiss when my entire office went out on a shopping venture for our lunch break on Friday. We have been bitten by the bug. The bug that makes us long for something new and adventurous. No doubt the fact that we are so sick of wearing our coats and sweaters for sixth months in a row has a little something to do with this. But it was not clothes that I was after on a warm and sunny saturday morning. I wanted transportation!
Spring often lends itself to nostalgia in my little world. I could almost hear the ice cream trucks, sprinklers spraying, the sound of the community pool and a tennis match playing in the background while I nap on the couch. It also made me think of days of old when I would ride my bike with my dad to a local diner and we didn't worry about the potential danger an environmentally conscious person could face on the road.
So what did I do when I passed a neighborhood bicycle shop? I went in of course. I was also attracted to the "Super Sale" sign grandly displayed on the outside of the store.
I walked out of there with an Urban Chic bike. It's nothing fancy and definitely not decked out, but it's cool enough. I even had a rack put on the back so that I can go to the grocery store. It is commuter friendly and stylish. How hip I must have looked as I had a saddle bag filled with groceries riding down Halsted. Let's hope there was little resemblance to the wicked witch that taunted Dorothy and Toto. I can almost hear the song in my head. Oh God, please no.
So now I am officially Urban Chic. I am free from the dependency on a car. I can ride my bike anywhere I may choose and not have to worry about parking. That's freedom. And I'll save a few bucks too due to the rising prices of gasoline.
I keep trying to remember my bicycle safety class in second grade. I even whipped out a hand signal yesterday at a stop sign. I do remember some of the things I was taught in my youth!
Freedom on the road. That's me.

Morning Breath Commute

As I sat on the el this morning, I had an epiphany. This was in no way a self-propelled realization. Instead it was forced upon me by a sudden waft of an unidentifiable odor. But as it came in and out like waves on a shore, I studied it and came to a conclusion. Morning Breath. Please, is it really necessary to open your mouth everytime you beathe? If it is, a nice brush before the morning commute would be nice. If not for your own well-being and the well-being of your teeth, then for the good of all those who are forced to ride along with you on this journey. There are different kinds of odors that can be caused by this olfactory damaging disease we like to call "halitosis." There is the, "I just had cereal and milk but was too lazy to brush my teeth" odor. We can't forget the most well known of all, the "I had to have my morning coffee on the way to work while I read my paper" breath. Some opt for the "I was running late for work and forgot to brush my teeth and didn't have time to change my underwear" aroma.
You see, these are the things I ponder as I ride to work. The first half of the ride I look out longingly at the bright blue sky and the chirping birds. The second half I am resolved to think due to the tunnel effect. I have to be careful not to think too much or I will be overcome by claustrophobic-like symptoms.
All in all, I will probably have much to say about my commute to and fro. It provides me much amusement.