Heavy Duty

This was in the RedEye last week:

Spanx for Everything

This week I succumbed to the invention of the millenium...Spanx. I've never really had a need to wear them. I don't wear dresses or skirts that cling to my thighs and my stomach is the only area flatter than my boobs, so I don't really need Spanx for that either. So what made me run out there and buy myself a pair? The twins. My sister twin thighs never like to be apart. God created me that way. This isn't a problem when wearing pants. But when the humidity hits and the heat rises and I'm faced with wearing a skirt, I could start fires! Say you're stuck on an island or trapped on a cold mountain and you need fire to cook food, sterlize water or warm up your hands, you'll want me around. Just give me a pair of corduroy pants and have me run really fast - instant fire!

I wore them for the first time yesterday with a cute little dress. They definitely lessened the risk of fire and I didn't walk around at the end of the day like I'd been riding a horse for hours. I'm not saying I'd want to wear them everyday. I might as well have wrapped my thighs, butt, and stomach with duct tape. But they are pretty amazing.

Side Note: And I still stand by favorite panties in the world: Hanky Panky's. I'm slowly building my collection.

Pictures from the Weekend

The weekend started out great. Heavy opened and we followed up our performance with a little Karaoke. I sang an amazing rendition of Jodee Messina's Heads Carolina, Tails California. I think I confirmed the fact that I do indeed sound much better in my car. Zach and I followed up my performance with a romantic duet of Love Shack. Wow, the B-52's sure know how to speak the language of my heart. Here are a couple of pictures:

I then concluded saturday with a little Dance Party USA. It can't get any better than having you and your friends take over a dance floor and teach people moves they've never seen...and probably never will again. I specifically posted this picture so Lindsay can finally say she made my blog :-)

Mighty Quinn

Here is another picture of a baby. Meet Quinn. He's my cousin, Josh's son. I think we have a future sumo wrestler on our hands. Seriously, is there anything cuter than baby boobs?

Here's another picture. I just love him and can't get enough!

Nice 'Stache

I think Liam is my brother's favorite new toy.

Zombie

I'm tired. I can't think straight. My communication skills are lacking. I'm talking out loud to myself and people keep asking me, "What did you say?" I just respond with "Nothing. I'm losing it is all."

Tonight is our last rehearsal before the big opening. We're supposed to finish at midnight. Hopefully we'll tighten up things that need to be tightened and maybe even remember most of our lines.

Tomorrow morning I'll be tempted to roll out of bed, throw on some clothes, and head straight to work. But I'm getting lasered in the morning before work. There's absolutely no rolling out of bed allowed for these appointments. It just wouldn't be prudent. A shower is a necessity.

I'm looking forward to the day when I can sleep!

Rehearsals

We've been rehearsing four hours a night for the past two nights. However, we did have to take a break so the boys could make a Burger King run. They need to keep their shape for the run of the show. I ate an orange :-(

Come see the show! You can hear me sing a wonderful song in a key that makes me sound like Peter Brady's puberty years.

Heavy Opens Friday!

New Sketch Group to Take on Weighty Issues
Family Friendly show grabs late night spot for debut
HEAVY features calorie-free laughter and music to kick off summer

HEAVY is here. The family-friendly sketch group featuring Katy Orender, Zach Johnson-Dunlop, and Paul Barile will make its debut at 10:30 p.m., Friday, May 25 at the bucket at Live Bait Theater 3914 N. Clark.

HEAVY features the trials and tribulations of being a plus-sized person in a Paris Hilton-sized world. With all original material including songs and other surprises, HEAVY promises to entertain and maybe enlighten.

Eat or No Eat pits Barile against Johnson-Dunlop in a battle of nutrition trivia which – inevitably – ends up with one or the other eating whatever is concealed in one of 5 lunch bags in front of them.

The Pencil Test brings husky audience members right into the world of HEAVY in ways they can’t even imagine.

BUFFET MAN is Faster than a three-legged busboy… More powerful than a mouthful of wasabi… Able to leap screaming steam tables in a single bound

Babe and the Fat Guy reinvent true crime television.

Directed by Lavina Jadhwani, HEAVY tackles with humor and warmth and maybe a little vitriol thrown in for good measure. HEAVY was written by award-winning playwright Barile (a n.u.f.a.n ensemble founder) and Zach Johnson-Dunlop (n.u.f.a.n ensemble artistic associate) with Katy Orender (resident hottie). Catriona Johnson is stage manager.

HEAVY opens 10:30 p.m., Friday, May 25 at the bucket at Live Bait Theater 3914 N. Clark. The show runs through Friday June 22. All shows are at 10:30 p.m. Friday nights.
Ticket price is $10.00. For more information call 773-282-0344 or log on at http://www.myspace.com/heavychicago.

Date Movies

Finally, a list of the perfect date movies exists! As you can imagine I already own most of these...not really because some of them are scary.

Some of my favorites that may or may not be on the list:

1) Can't Buy Me Love

2) Say Anything

3) When Harry Met Sally

4) Finding Neverland (but I'll probably cry so hard that you'll look at your watch and say, "Well, look at the time, I have to go...somewhere...very important.")

5) Neverending Story (FALCOR!!!!)

6) Man From Snowy River

7) Waiting for Guffman (But I'll probably quote the whole movie and you'll feel like hitting me on the head)

8) Napolean Dynamite (I'll learn if I like you or not when we watch this movie. Think it's funny? Then you have potential. Think it doesn't make sense? You don't make sense!)

9) Coyote Ugly...I'M KIDDING!!! gag.

10) Princess Bride (It doesn't get much better!)

11) Amelie (Can you handle subtitles?)

12) Jerry McGuire (You had me at Milk Duds)

13) Almost Famous (expect deep philosophical discussions after this movie)

14) Fletch

15) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

I'm going to stop there. Let me know if I'm missing any good ones!

Mom

Isn't my mom gorgeous? I absolutely love this picture of us. I think we could be twinkies. (Not that by saying my mom's gorgeous am I inferring that I too am gorgeous. Humility please!)

We had so much fun being together. We haven't spent just mother/daughter time together in over a year. She is a best friend, kindred spirit, and one of my favorite people in the whole entire world! How did I get so blessed?!

I know many of you know Momma O and can give me an AMEN!

Things I love about my mother:

1) Her hugs. They are abundant and full of sincere love.
2) Her laugh. She is quick to laugh at herself and readily willing to laugh at my dorkiness.
3) Her listening ear. THE best listener in the world!
4) The way she puts on lipstick. I catch myself doing it the same way she does sometimes.
5) She's a pile-er. I make piles out of everything too.
6) Her home. She's made it beautiful but also the most comfortable place in the world.
7) Her love for her family. It's so obvious!
8) Her love for my dad. They get each other.
9) Her love/hate relationship with the dogs. She's their queen.
10) She loves wearing crazy socks. It hides her gumby tattoo (kidding!...it's a unicorn)
11) Her addiction to computer games.
12) She can polish off a New York Times Crossword Puzzle in no time.
13) Her love for books rubbed off on me.
14) She doesn't gossip. She only cares about loving other people.
15) She embraces my friends as if they were her own kids.
16) She's the definition of peace. She's so easy to be around...and so likeable!
17) Her purse addiction.
18) She's the hostess with the mostess.
19) She is self-sacrificing. She always puts others before herself.
20) Her love for Christ and her sweet personal faith.

I could keep going but I'll stop at 20. I hope I am growing up to be like her. I love you mom!

The Lindsay Clan

Jessie prompted me to do a little research today on the Lindsay Clan. I know what the Lindsay plaid looks like and I know that the crest has a swan on it. But I didn't know that the clan motto is "Endure Fort" or "Suffer Bravely." That's a new little nugget of information. Why does it have to have the word "suffer" in it?

**You may be asking yourself, "Katy, why is this important? Why do you even care about the Lindsay Clan?" That's a great question and you bring up a good point. My mom is a Lindsay. We have our Lindsay Family Reunion every three years and we enjoy good times like the Lindsay Beach Olympics & Sand Castle Building Contest. Next time we ought to wear our tartans.

Brennan Manning

How I wish I didn't have rehearsal on Monday so I could go and hear Brennan Manning speak! If you live in Chicago I highly recommend going to see him. His book, The Ragamuffin Gospel, is one of my all time favorites and one of the most influential books I've ever read. And I read A LOT! Plus Phil Keaggy is playing. Many well-known musicians consider him to be the best guitarist in the world. That's some high praise.

My mom and dad met Brennan Manning years ago when we lived in Atlanta. I was all of two years old. When my mom asked him what he did for a living he responded, "I'm a lover." It doesn't make any sense unless you've read his books. To me it makes perfect sense.

So go see him!

Apron Strings

This is a roommate picture that we took on Sunday. My mom was in town this weekend and bought us each a cute apron. She's probably hoping that it inspires me to cook more often. Tuna salad and crackers is cooking! I'll probably die of mercury poisoning from the amount of tuna I eat weekly. But it's a meal I can eat immediately. My hunger pangs don't have much patience! AND it's high in protein and low in fat. Again, that's neither here nor there.

We had fun cooking it up in the kitchen. Janell cut up watermelon. Jessie made oatmeal and chocolate chip cookies (Temp. Tation! I can hardly resist!). And I entertained them! I wore my apron while doing it. I think I've finally found my calling.

Equation

Cute billowy skirt + 30 mph winds + construction workers - free hands + cute panties = fun for everyone.

LOST Addiction

Whoa!

My Waist is a Little Lower Than That

Monday night's rehearsal was a little upclose and personal. During a dance sequence Paul is supposed to grab my waist and then lift me up while turning around. It's all very ice capades-ish. He must have gotten flustered because when it came time for this move he puts his hands out and says, "Um. Ummm."

I said, "The lift. Grab me by the waist."

Paul: "Um. Ummm." And then he places his hands a little higher than my waist. They were more in the breast region. Basically, I got felt up.

Paul: "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it."

Me: "Don't worry. My bra's a little padded so I couldn't feel anything."**

Paul: "Yeah, I noticed."

Gee, thanks.

This has happened to me before in rehearsals. I'm assuming they are accidental. I mean, I know these B-cups can be pretty tempting and all...

**And let me clarify that my bra is a little padded because I prefer not being a weather thermometer. I don't want people to look at my chest and say, "Yeah, it's definitely cold." It's not because I have some sort of insecurity or need to walk around with my boobs heaved so high that they touch my chin. I rest my case.

Things I Like Today:

1. Andrew's Blog Entry: He's such a smart kid. I'm a very proud big sister.

2. Today is worth celebrating! Happy Birthday to Christine & Colleen.

3. Our office has a fresh coat of paint. Not only is it a happy happy joy joy color but it also is making us a bit high.

4. I have a meeting at 2:00 p.m. today in the suburbs and I don't have to come back to the office. YESSSSSSSS!

5. Peyton Manning SNL videos on You Tube. (thanks Adrienne!) Click here and here.

6. Tonight I get to see Bonnie Hunt speak at the Chicago History Museum.

7. I have freshly shaven legs.

8. Knowing my mom will be heading to Chicago in exactly 48 hours!

9. A cold orange that's easy to peel.

10. The smell of rain.

Squeeze the Penny

No words. I have absolutely no words to describe this. Wait, I feel some words forming. Harry. Crescent moon. Brave. Delusional. Daisy Duke wants her shorts back. My 6th grade self wants her shorts back. Fanny. Thank goodness this isn't a view from the front. Chaffing.

Feel free to add any words of your own.

My Favorite Posts

Today I thought I would make a list of some of my favorite posts from the past three years. I've written almost 400 posts since this blog began way back in the spring of 2004.

Here they are in chronological order. Enjoy the reading!

Measuring Up

Personal Care: Hunting for Women

Resident Alien

10 Year Reunion

I'm the Kind of Person Who...

How Observant

Body Wrap

Blind Date

Ripped

Bleep

U2

Big "A"

Sing Some on the Side

Deep Thoughts by Katy

Good Question!

Favorite T.V. Show The Office (British Version)

Stuck

How NOT to Hit on a Girl

Texas Summers

Acne Away

Page Turners

Tag...I'm It

Inspiring Quotes

Anniversary

Missed Connection

Man Muffs

Watch This

You Had Me at "Take a Deep Breath"

Dear Man Wearing Short Shorts at the Gym

These are just a few of them. Some are my favorite because of the memories they bring back. Others are favorites because of their comments. Let me now if I've left out one of your favorites.

Race Results

NO FN LN DIVISION OVERALL DIVPL SEXPL TIME PACE 5Mile 10Mile Last5k
29844 Katy Orender F3034 14022 912/2345 5247/15245 2:19:18 10:38 53:58 1:48:16 31:02

Considering it took 20 minutes to even get to the start line and we still were weaving in and out of the crowd after two miles, I think we had a fast race.

I finished 14,022 out of 30-35,000 runners. Not too shabby! :-)

Indy Mini Pictures

It was awesome! On my way down to Indianapolis I called my friend, Adrienne, who grew up in Indy and now lives in L.A. I just called to say I was thinking of her and would have loved it if she was in town so I could see her. It has been five years since we last saw each other. She called me right back to tell me that she was in Indy and running the half marathon too! We ended up meeting before the race and ran it together. I've decided that I'm going to sign up for every race with a friend I haven't seen in years. It makes the race so fun and makes it go by so quickly. We talked about everything from laser hair removal (a favorite topic) to marriage. She is also trying to make it as an actress in the big world. It was great to talk with someone who is experiencing what I'm experiencing. Two hours and 19 minutes later we were finished. I'm hardly even sore! The only way to celebrate a race is to drink margaritas...huge margaritas. I ended up staying in Indianapolis another night. It was the laziest saturday I've experienced in months...minus the whole half-marathon part.

It was the most organized race I've ever run and I will definitely sign up for next year. Hello! We got to run on the Indy 500 track!

So thanks everyone for the encouraging texts and calls during the race. I felt very loved and encouraged! Come run it with me next year!

Indy Mini-Marathon

I leave in less than three hours to drive to Indianapolis for the half marathon! I'm scared. I need to remember just to have fun and to really enjoy these two hours and 20 minutes of running. Yeah.

The race starts at 6:30 a.m. central time. I should be finished around 9:00 a.m. at the latest if all goes well. I'll be carrying my phone. Feel free to text any encouraging words or you can even call me. I've been known to answer it when in need of a pep talk. I have a feeling I'll need one.

And say a prayer too for the ol' hamstring. It's been doing much better but I haven't tested it out on 13.1 miles yet.

But how lucky am I that I get to challenge myself like this?! I need to remember that around mile nine when I don't know if I can go much further.

Tonight I'll probably have my typical pre-marathon dream. I dream that I've run the race and I wake up realizing I still have to do it. It's like running two marathons in less than 24 hours.

My New Apartment

Here it is! I was finally able to upload my pictures thanks to me pirating someone's wireless internet in my building.

I'll give you a little tour. I took these pictures the day we moved in so some things have changed. But honestly the boxes are still everywhere.

Here we go:

Hello and welcome to our home. This is our entry way. I love the ceiling!

This is our enormous living room. Jessie and her parents are painting it this weekend. I'm not sure what color but I'm sure it will be fabulous. We have space!

This is our lovely view from the living room. One side is lakeview; the other side is of downtown. Can you see the Sears Tower and the Hancock building? Neato.

This will eventually be our dining room. For now it's storage.

And a Butler's Pantry. What the heck is a Butler's Pantry? I don't know, but I can tell you it's very nice.

And this is our kitchen. I'm sure I'll cook many fabulous dinners because we actually have counter space now.

And my very own bathroom!

Here's my bedroom. I have bay windows! And it's huge. The closest space is even better than I could have dreamed. Hello shoes.

And I have a room with a view!

And here it is in all its glory. Now people can see me in all my glory. I really need to work on closing the shades.

I hope you've enjoyed the tour. Now come visit! (Unless I don't know you. That would freak me out. And I have pepper spray. Actually I don't. But I do have a kick-ass roundhouse.)

Hey, It's Video Day!

This one made me laugh. It brings me back. Way back.

I know most of you have probably already seen this...because I've shown it to you. But seriously, this baby will make me smile no matter how bad a day I'm having. For instance: your car needs $900 of work done on it to ensure your safe arrival from point A to point B, but you'd really rather buy the navy patent leather Michael Kors shoes you've been eyeing for months and months (they look best in navy). **note to self: shoes can't buy happiness.

Enjoy!

Touche'

Strangest compliment given to me recently:

Him: I really like your nail polish. What color is it?

Me: Wicked

Him: It matches your eyebrows.

WHAT????

Car Issues = Insecurity

I will always be a daddy's girl. Hopefully I'm not one of those snotty, super demanding, I want it and I want it now, kind of daddy's girl. I want to be the girl that recognizes how generous, kind, wonderful, encouraging, and loving her dad is to her. I've been blessed with a dad that wants to protect me, take care of me and yet let's me live my life too.

But it's times like these when I wish he was right here, right now. YES, my car is acting up again! I feel like a complete idiot when my car begins having issues. I automatically turn into a vulnerable 12 year old girl whose mom still has to make her school lunch. Living in Dallas my dad was great about telling me that I need to get my tires rotated. He would ask if my car had had its oil changed at three months or 3,000 miles (no it hasn't but it's getting done tonight!). But I don't have that anymore. Spring-like weather has to hit first so I can roll down my window and hear the screeching brakes that have probably been screeching for months. And any trip to the garage always includes a call to dad to make sure I'm not getting swindled. I'm always thinking I'm about to get swindled. I must have a tatoo on my forehead that says, "I have no idea what you're talking about but I'm just going to nod along anyway and pretend I have an ounce of dignity but I'll most likely just go along with whatever your saying so just go ahead and take me for what I'm worth."

The car goes to the shop tonight. I'm bracing myself. Dad, have I told you lately that I love you? Yes, this morning we texted that to each other. But one cannot say it enough. I love you!

What an Exciting Life I Do Lead

Find out your Spider-Man personality at LiquidGeneration!

Laffy Taffy Break 2

Oh Laffy Taffy, how you make me smile. Why do I find myself suddenly addicted to you? Is it that the candy bowl has become the new water cooler in my office? Maybe. But mostly it's for the sugary goo-dness and of course, the jokes.

Brooke K. from Yardley, PA writes:

"What did the noodles say to the butter? Don't try and butter me up." Oh Brooke, you silly thing. I see a stand-up career in your future. Lucky girl. Keep up the good work.

Brandon R. from Florence, SC writes:

"Which garden has the most vegetables? Flash Garden." What? Seriously? This is a joke? I don't get it Brandon. I just don't get it. I'm guessing this is a "Flash Gordon" reference. Flash Gordon would be appalled. And frankly, so am I. You're homeschooled aren't you?

UPDATE: I want to redact those last couple of sentences. They were really mean. I must be PMS'ing. Sorry Brandon R.

Jessie's Picture Blog

Look who has her own picture blog! My cousin, Jessie, has decided to join the rest of the family in our blogging obsession. I promise to shower next time any pictures are taken of me.

A Glimpse into My Life

A conversation in Kelly's car last night:

Kelly: Seriously, when I am PMS'ing I feel like I'm carrying around two bowling balls on my chest.

Katy: Yeah, I know what you mean. Except mine are more like marbles. But yeah, I hear you.