Therapy Session

I've written about a couple of my dreams in the past but I usually try to avoid it. But sometimes dreams are more honest and telling about your life and your feelings than you could ever be to yourself. Apparently I try to be anything but honest with myself and try to avoid negative feelings at all costs. Those feelings then build up and the flood gates come crashing down and you find yourself curled up on the couch trying to find a dry sleeve to wipe your tear stained face on while watching a commercial that involves puppies and little kids.

I took an aptitude test when I was a sophomore in college. After eight hours of grueling tests I was told that a) they couldn't figure me out; b) I will probably be in school for the rest of my life; and c) whatever I do I should work for myself. I'm realizing that all three of these things are true.

A) I can't figure myself out either! I have too many passions and my desire for adventure contradicts my desire to have a family.

B) I love learning and school is the best place to learn (outside of life experience). I think the reason I want to be an actress is so that I can learn and do everything. I may be master of none and mediocre of all but at least I'd get to do it all!

C) The realization that I should work for myself has never been truer than NOW! No details necessary but I would love the freedom to be able to GO! Just GO anywhere at anytime, be with anyone who needs my help or wants a companion to join them on a camping trip in Guatemala.

A couple of nights ago I had a dream that I was visiting Heather Armstrong of Dooce.com. We were hanging out with her daughter, Leta, just talking about life. I remember I finally built up the nerve to ask her how someone makes a living as a blogger. This one question has two points of significance. The first is that I would love the freedom that blogging brings. I could do it from anywhere at anytime. Awesome! Secondly, the question was barely audible when it came out of my mouth and no one heard. That's significant because I have a history of thinking that people are not interested in the things I have to say sometimes. I'll share an example: 10 people sit in a circle and catch up on the highs and lows of their year. We go in a circle and people are crying and laughing and really getting to share their struggles. I'm the last one to share and just when I begin speaking of the difficulties of the past year, a baby starts crying and everyone turns their focus to the baby and we never finish the sharing. That's just one of a billion out there. Becky says it's unbelievable how many times she's witnessed this happen to me (so it's not just me having a complex!)...and she's always quick to protect me. I also think that it shows I might be a little fearful to go after the things I really want.

I am fascinated by dreams and how they reveal the truth of life. I am also fascinated by the thought of making a living as a blogger! How does one do it?!!

Oh Wise One!

Who doesn't love learning more about oneself?

Your results:
You are Obi-Wan Kenobi

Obi-Wan Kenobi 74% Yoda 72% Padme 70% Princess Leia 68% R2-D2 66% Qui-Gon Jinn 65% An Ewok 61% Luke Skywalker 60% Han Solo 54% Jar Jar Binks 53%

You are civilized, calm, and have a good sense of humor, even when those around you don't. You can hold your own in a fight, but prefer it when things don't get too exciting.

(This list displays the top 10 results out of a possible 21 characters)


Click here to take the "Which Star Wars character am I?" quiz...

Thanks Kellsey for the idea! I guess you and I are one in the same! I like Obe-Wan Kenobi. He's good people. Praise the Lord Jar Jar Binks is the bottom of the barrell for me. "Meso thinks......blah blah blah." And let me just say that Luke Skywalker is a WHINER!!! Just like his dad as a young man. Oh and they also fail to mention that I have great power over people. With a wave of my hand I can have anything I want.

The Cubs

The only winning thing the Cubs have going for them these days is this guy right here:





















'Sup y'all! Sportin' the Cubbie Blue.

Check out those thighs. Those are power thighs, as in, future power pitcher thighs. If he were drafted now, I'd predict the Cubs could be World Series Champs by 2007.

You see mostly Connor's mom and dad in the face. But what you might have missed is that he also resembles his aunt, Katy (ie. ME). That little crease in the left thigh says it all. Watch out that crumbs don't get stuck in that flap of skin because that can lead to a bacterial disease.

Connor and I will be reunited this weekend over ice cream sandwiches and brats. And yes, we will eat them in that order.

Shoe Fix

Due to my downtrodden state yesterday, I decided to self-medicate. Self-medication = shoe shopping. I went to the mother of all shoe stores. No it wasn't DSW, Target or Lori's "the Sole of Chicago." I'm talking about the Nordstrom shoe department. When you work blocks away and you need a little pick me up, Nordstrom never disappoints. I made a purchase.



















Picture these shoes but in a mustard yellow. They are so ugly that they're cute. Picture them with a nice pair of dark jeans, capri pants or a white skirt. Fabuloso! They remind me of the shoes (aka. house slippers) Auntie wore back when I was growing up.

So did they make me happy? Oh, they sure did for at least a good 18 hours. I only had to apply one bandaid at my heel to stop the shoe from slicing my achilles. But they are rather comfortable and can be worn walking long distances.

Stuck

I've been a bit down this week and I can figure out if it's because I'm paying my monthly dues or if it's because I really am unsatisfied with life at the moment. Both ingredients probably factor into the whole.

While talking with Becky last night I came up with an analogy of how I am feeling. I feel like I'm running behind or I'm late for something big. I am stuck at a stop light while all the other cars seem to be able to get where they are going. I am unsure of where I'm headed and the map in my hand is unreadable and doesn't make sense.

I know where I want to be but I don't know how to get there and the path I'm taking just isn't getting me there as soon as I'd like. Waiting is the hardest part of life at the moment. I'm restless to make something happen but it's not for me to decide. How exactly does "active faith" work?

I don't like being late and waiting makes me anxious. It's the "character building" phase of life. This character better be worth it!

Conan O'Brien LIVE!

The Lord hath laid His hands upon me and blessed me! Last Friday I skipped work so I could stand under the el in 40 degree weather and spitting rain for five and a half hours. Doesn't that sound like a blessing? No? Well, maybe it will once I tell you that I stood there for five and a half hours in my winter garb huddled next to thousands of strangers so I could see CONAN O'BRIEN!

Jason's original date couldn't make it so I begged and pleaded "Take me! Take me!" We met at 10:00 am at State and Lake to wait in line to see Conan. We were one of the first 50 or enthusiastic fans to brave the inclement weather. Jason and I now know everything about each other and I know a little too much about the strangers that surrounded us. I was in people watching paradise! You know what's annoying? Twenty or so people who think they are really funny and think that everyone should get to experience the joy of their humor. One such commedian was kicked out of line right before my very eyes. I actually felt sorry for him.

Three hours into the stand-off I was losing hope. My hands were white with numbness, my legs ached from standing in one spot and I couldn't feel my feet. Just when I thought I couldn't take much more of it, I hear the crowd begin to scream. Then I see a thin long legged redhead running across the street with cameras following him. He jumps up right infront of us and yells to the crowd, "Thank you for being the best fans in the world! Thank you for waiting in this horrible weather! We have free pizza for all of you!" Next thing I know, Uno's is handing out HOT deep dish pizza to everyone. Conan rushes down the line to shake everyone's hand. My frozen hand stuck in the air waited for his touch. He shook everyone's hand around me (probably wanted to avoid the dead looking hand) and then must have seen my pleading face. He looked me in the eye and shook my hand. I wish I could have felt it.

I suddenly had rejuvenated enthusiasm that helped me wait it out the next two and a half hours. We really looked like cattle in a corral. People were shoving each other trying to get further up in the line. People become nasty in a crowd. Just when they began hurding us into the theater, I grabbed Jason's hand and prepared myself for battle. I have never been hit or shoved so many times...by WOMEN! They were the worst. At one point Jason and I looked at a girl and both said, "Just CHILL!"

We found seats right by the band and had a perfect view of Conan. It was such a great experience and worth every freezing second. Wouldn't you know it! My camera died just before Conan gave us free pizza. So you'll just have to believe me! Thank you Jason!



















Sam actually got to meet Conan. I was bitter for a second.

Season Finale Review: Grey's Anatomy

Last night was a blatant abuse of my emotions. They tried every possible avenue to make me cry...and it worked! Let's recount the story lines that touched my soul and made me cry (in chronological order):

1. The aftermath of Dr. Burke being shot. He's HOT and it's just a shame that someone that hot had to be shot. His perfect shoulder is now ruined. But I'm sure it will make for a sexy scar.

2. Izzie. She scared me and I cried out of fear for my life and the lives of all the interns. Someone put her in an institution so we can all be safe.

3. The niece who missed her prom because her cancer came back and she's going to die. How could they be so ruthless? There's only one other thing that is more ruthless than a teenage girl dying of cancer:

4. A dog dying of Cancer. I cried the hardest when they put Doc to sleep. This probably ranked a level 8 on my scale of hysterical crying. I would have rather watched the whole cast of Grey's Anatomy die than have to re-watch the death of Doc. Question: how could they so easily go to a prom after such a tragic ending to a loved one?

5. Denny's heart working. I like Denny. It's too bad that he fell in love with a psycho doctor who tried to kill him. I don't care how pretty she is or the size of her boobs.

6. George and Callie kissing. Callie resembled a line backer. George resembled a little boy who used gel on his hair for the first time. I cried because I thought Callie was going to crush George.

7. Christine. I like you so much. Why did you become heartless while watching Burke struggle? Burke, I'm better than she is and I would have been by your side the whole time! I'd go fishing with you!

8. Denny dying. I called this one early and therefore began crying 7.2 minutes before it happened. And Izzie...your dress. Ick.

9. Meredith and Derek. I don't care for you Meredith. But, I definitely don't think that McDreamy has any right to love you. I didn't cry for either one of you. In fact, you pained me. I cried because Meredith's pretty dress swallowed her alive. I think she is emaciating before our very eyes.

10. Alex. Thank you for being the one sane person on the show last night. Remember when you were Massimo? Wasn't that fun? You had a terrible fake accent, you got to wrestle on the ground with Matthew McConaughey and you were rejected by Jennifer Lopez? I love that movie.

11. Finally. Finn. You have no idea how much Meredith DOES NOT deserve you.

No Privacy

The downside of working in a cube: everyone can hear when you have to announce on the phone that you're about to start your period.

The upside of working in a cube: everyone knows to STAY OFF YOUR BACK!

Free Comic Book Day

Visit Komikazee.com to read my second article about Comic Books. I attended my first ever Free Comic Book Day!

Huge Praise

Thank you for your many prayers. It looks like Ella is fighting this disease! She is still "critical" but is improving greatly. This is her parents blog that will fill you in on the details over the past few days. It truly is a miracle! Again, thank you!

Try This David Blaine

So we all know David Blaine, the stunt performer. He recently pulled his latest stunt, Drowned Alive. Yes he survived a week in a snow globe filled with water and lived! But he came away with some nasty rashes and liver failure. Most frat boys would call that a weekend. I think he's a glutton for pain.

Speaking of pain and craizay people...I have some thoughts for David Blaine and what he should try next:

1) Walk around Chicago in a pair of 3 inch heels for 3 hours straight in a pencil skirt during 80% humidity.

2) Chaperone an 8th grade lock-in at Crystals Pizza.

3) Have someone repeatedly tell him he looks like a softball player.

4) Wax everything on his body. Wait...looks like he already has it all waxed.

5) Eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's while watching an episode of LOST all the while forgetting that he's lactose intolerant.

6) Experience first day period cramps and still have to go to work or take care of five kids who want to go to Toys R'Us so they can spend their allowance.

7) Try on bathing suits under flourescent lights after six months of dead winter while a woman keeps popping in to ask if everything is okay and comment on how the suit looks on his body. And NO FAKE TANS ALLOWED!

8) Give birth.

I think these should leave him with a good challenge.

Please Pray

Please pray for my friends, Joe and Andrea, who just had a baby girl yesterday afternoon. The pregnancy and delivery were healthy, but little Ella started having problems breathing soon after she was born. Ella is now in NICU and having seizures. They are not sure what is wrong. Please pray for God to reveal what is happening, that it is easily treatable and that Joe and Andrea will have a peace beyond understanding.

Which Superhero are You?

Your results:
You are Spider-Man

Spider-Man 75% Supergirl 73% Superman 70% Wonder Woman 63% Robin 53% The Flash 50% Green Lantern 45% Iron Man 40% Catwoman 25% Hulk 20% Batman 5%

You are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...

Duck Headed Canes

So this morning I walked into a bar. . .and it hurt. Get it? Hahahahahaha. Aw, man! Why didn't I wear my waterproof mascara? But seriously, I did walk into a bar and it did hurt. As I was about to walk through the gauntlet to enter the el I must have been thinking about some hilarious sketch I was going to create about a guy who is infatuated with canes that have duck heads.





















"Slap me some skin!"

Next thing I know I'm trying to go through the turnstile and it hits me right at the hip bones. I almost sommersalted over the thing. I quickly look up and look around me while making noises that are unintelligible but imply "Oh my gosh I'm such an idiot. Can you believe I tried to walk through here without paying first? And would you look at that! I have the card right here in my hand! I also just ordered the greatest pair of shoes off the Banana Republic website. Score!"

I have on the same pink sweater that I wore the day I forgot my wallet. It must be the sweater. BURN IT!

Conan O'Brien

My friends make fun of me because I can't pronounce "Conan" correctly. I say it like "Conan the Barbarian" instead of "Co-nen". Wait, maybe I've said that wrong my whole life too. That would be the case.



















It's almost like he's Jabba the Hutt after using the "Bowflex" and drinking protein shakes.

They also make fun of me because I say "booze-um" instead of "bosom." Maybe it's because I'm a Texan.

Did you know that Conan, aka. Conaane, is hosting his show from the great city of Chicago this week? That's all we've heard about for the past month or so. My friend, Jason, was lucky enough to win two tickets in a contest. Unfortunately, I was not asked to attend with him. It's probably better that way. I can't even pronounce the hosts' name correctly. But here's a great interview with Conan where he talks about Chicago, Second City and the influence improv has on his work.

I'm 30 years old. When Conan was 30, he just got the "Late Night" gig. That's enough to make me want to stick my head in an oven. Not really. No need to intervene and put me on prozac.

Guess who jumped in a cab Friday night only to be immediately pulled over by a Police Paddy Wagon? Yours truly! The police officer made me and Jess wait in the taxi while he talked with the driver outside of the car. With wide eyes, Jess and I kept looking around wondering why the police pulled the cab over. And the other party of me wondered why my friends who were sitting on the stoop of a house didn't see us get pulled over and wonder what was going on. That hurts. But alas we were safe and the driver only got a parking ticket for "not pulling completely over to the curb when picking up a passenger." Who knew that existed? Good thing he didn't pull completely over because he would have hit us. Poor guy just trying to take care of his two cute kids. Jess and I wrote a letter in protest of the ticket on the drivers behalf. Changing the world one letter at a time.

Another Take

You all remember Robert, the one who was "sooooooo bored" and still dissed me and Jess? Well, we have definitely bonded since then. I'll stop and say hi as he takes in some fresh air on the stoop (all two steps of it). He shared stories about how he loves to make jumbalaya and how he wrote a book on his horrific and tragic Hurricane Katrina experience. I really felt like we were building a friendship.

Yesterday was nothing out of the ordinary. He was on the "stoop" and said hello to me and Jess. Jessie went to help a friend unload some things from her car. That left Robert and I a few moments alone. Again, it was nothing out of the ordinary. Robert got a little nervous and said, "I'd like to pay you a compliment." I got all excited and would welcome anyone paying me a compliment! He said, "Well, I won't tell you it now. (long pause with nervous laughter) I just chickened out!" "Robert! I don't bite!" He, a married man, then put it out there, "Well, I just wanted to tell you that you're GORGEOUS. I mean....you are....FINE!" (nervous laughter from all parties involved) Then with nervous rambling and scarcely a breath taken I say, "Gee, thanks Robert. Wow, that's so nice of you. I mean, I really needed to hear that because, you know, some random guy told me yesterday that I looked like a SOFTBALL player! I mean, can you believe that? Pshh! I know, it's all "innocent" and everything ("innocent" being said with physical quotation gesture). So thanks." (long awkward pause) "Alrighty then, I'm going to go see if I can help Jess."

I just can't take a compliment; especially one that's so emphatic and from a married man! But hey, it's MUCH better than "softball player!"

How NOT to Hit on a Girl

Last night Jessie and I decided we would really try to get active, get social and get involved with our church. I've been there for two and a half years and haven't really been connected since the first 3 months (when I really wanted to meet new people). They planned a bowling social for last night and we thought that would be harmless and fun. Usually I try to avoid these things because of their "meet market" tendencies * GAG * (open mouth, insert index finger and produce gagging noises). So after talking ourselves out of staying home to watch Everwood we drove to the bowling alley.

We were on time, of course. Thankfully there were others there who cared about timeliness. Five minutes later we were bowling on lane 5. Paige, Rob and Luke joined me and Jessie as we attempted a 300. We were having fun chatting and asking questions like, "Sooooo....how long have you lived in Chicago? Oh, you're a native? I didn't know those existed anymore. Hee hee." I sucked it up and became "Outgoing Katy." She's exhausting. I think Luke was trying to be social and decided to ask me, "Did you play sports growing up?" "Yeah. Why?" "Did you play softball?" "No, why?" "Oh, you look like a softball player." "Excuse me?" "You look like a softball player." "WHAT. THE. HELL?!!!!" You could just see that I was about to leap over those plastic seats and punch him in the face (which didn't help the "softball" comment). "NO! I am not a lesbi.. I mean, NO! Hell NO! WHA?" Notice how I filtered my comments. I mean, I was with people I didn't know. He of course saw that he had obviously made a mistake and tried to cover it up by saying, "I mean, you look like you have quite an arm, like you could, like, throw the ball really far."

And there in that moment my life changed forever. No more lifting weights for me. Yes, I am strong. Could I probably throw a ball far? Yes. Was I throwing a 10 lbs. bowling ball at dizzying speeds toward the pins? Yes. So now I'm going to live off of broccoli and cauliflower. And I'm only going to eat that at breakfast. Shelby and I will have to change our training regiment to speed walking for 8 hours a day. And I am NEVER, and I repeat, NEVER, going to leave the house without lipstick.



















Okay, so she's not a lesbian. But she could still hurt someone.















There's just no explaining her.

Please Forward

I've added a tickity-tic-ticker to my blog this week. Now I can track how many people visit my blog to see if I actually have any readers! Wouldn't you know it that it's only been a couple of days and I've already had 150 visits? I know! I too am shocked. And the cool part is that not quite all of them have been from me!

Would you be a kind dear and forward this web address to any and everyone you know and just tell them how much you just laugh and laugh and laugh when you read my site. You can also tell them it will make them feel better about themselves and even make them feel even smarter. And if we all felt better and smarter there's no telling what we could accomplish!

There's a fun new feature too. Just click on the little envelope by the comments section and you can email whatever friends you may have easily.

Thank you so very much!

Monk-E-Mail

Make someones day by sending them a hilarious Monk E-Mail brought to you by careerbuilder.com. Don't ask why I was on careerbuilder.com. I'm not looking for a new job okay.

MASHER does Me

Jessie had the luxury of using M.A.S.H.E.R to give me peace about my future. I mean who wouldn't want to spend summers in a double-wide with Mark Ruffalo?

Katy marries Mark Ruffalo, both naked, with 500 of her closest friends and family attending, at a beach in San Francisco. They reside in an apartment with their 1 child (not named Aristotle) on the hot beaches of So. Cal.! She gets around in her lexus SUV when she's not at home
writing harlequin novels. In the summer the R's can be found in their
double wide at Lincoln Love Trailer Park in Decatur. If you would
like to contact the couple they will be arriving home next week from their honeymoon of love in Croatia. [written by Cousin Jessie]

Hello future husband who is already married to another woman. I'm hoping he's mormon.

MASHER does Jessie

My cousin, Jessie's future as told by M.A.S.H.E.R and M.A.S.H.E.R never lies!!

Budding Broadway star Jessica Lindsay just married the sexy
nerd, Zac Braff after a paternity test revealed that her daughter was indeed his
spawn. They named their daughter Mandy Moore. Using their borrowed Lincoln Town Car they moved the new family to their home in the wonderful city of Decatur, IL. There they had their wedding and their honeymoon. They can’t get enough of that place. But Jessie does like to shake things up a bit and spends the summers with Britney and Kevin Federline in Hawaii. That way they can be barefoot and
pregnant all they want.

CODE RED! CODE RED!

This morning started out beautifully. I was alive and fully awake when my alarm chimed. I journaled my deep thoughts and enjoyed a delicious bowl of Cinnamon Life cereal. Walking out the door wearing my spring pink the sun greeted my face. I was able to snag a seat on the el and had just enough time to stroll to White Hen to grab a morning coffee and a snack for later.

Is this too good to be true? No, it was true! But then it became all TOO true. You know what I mean? Do you really?

I created my culinary treat of decaf coffee with a little bit of cream and a couple of Splendas. With my coffee mixed to perfection I perused the latest flavors of Zone Bars. They were the exact same flavors they have been for the past year. I made my selection and joined a line of others waiting to pay and get on with their bread winning and life changing careers. I began to grow a little impatient as I waited and waited for a whole two people who chatted it up at the register. Ugh, how DARE they do that to me! I had many busy and important things to do when I got to the office. Myspace was waiting! When they finally exited the door I sashayed my way to the counter. Then an unknown fear suddenly grew. I couldn't quite place it. No matter. After the beep of each item being rung up I began to search for my wallet. Unlike those peope in front of me I am efficient. I've always prided myself on my efficiency. I don't like to have people waiting for me or to have to be "put out" because of me. Therefore, I've perfected time saving techniques! As I opened my bag the origin of my fear finally revealed itself. I LEFT MY WALLET AT HOME! Saying, "Uh nuh" (out loud) sweat beads began to form on my upper lip and my brow. I frantically went through possible stashes of money I had hidden in pockets. With pleading eyes I said, "I seem to have left my wallet at home. But I do have my checkbook." With a stare that seemed to convey to me, "YOU'RE RETARTED!" she said they cannot take checks. "Oh, I see. Of course." (embarassed mumbling) "I'm so sorry. Well, I guess I'll just go. Sorry, I already made the coffee. Sorreeeeeeeeeeee (to let her again that I know the depth of my stupidity)." Walking away with a line of people in suits and sneakers staring at me I hear "Ma'am." I turn around and she just says, "take the coffee because now it's just GARBAGE!" I meekly walk over with my tail between my legs, grab the coffee and just short of running turn and make my way out of the store.

Now I'm sitting here wondering how I'm supposed to take my friend, Jolene, out for her birthday lunch today.

And you do you know why I don't have my wallet this morning? Yes it IS partially because I'm an IDIOT! But it also has to do with the fact that I went to the dreaded store last night. I actually had a great experience there and seemed to have "enjoyed" myself while shopping for foods. BUT once again, the grocery store reveals itself as the foundation for my MISERY and inadequacy in life!

Monday Evening Thoughts

Two random thoughts yesterday while talking with the roommates:

1) If you had to choose how you would die what would be your choice? On a tandem bicycle with my roommates crossing lakeshore drive. (If we ever rode a tandem bicycle across lakeshore we surely would die).













2) If you had to have a personalized license plate what would it say? TXS GRRL or maybe OB GYN.

Rejection Hurts

Jessie and I were heading out to see Thank You for Smoking (still have a celebrity crush on Aaron Eckhardt, as I've had for years, even though I'm not supposed to have those anymore) last night. Fabulous movie but that's another story. And we run into our downstairs neighbor, Robert. Robert is great. He's a cute man who moved up here from New Orleans with is wife after Hurricane Katrina. His wife is often back in New Orleans working and therefore he gets bored. So we ask how he's doing as we're walking out the front door and he says, "I'm soooooooooo bored!" Well I never like seeing anyone in any pain so I ask if he would like to join Jessie and I in our movie adventure. He responds, "Can I take a rain check?" Ouch, that hurts. I was rejected by someone who was "Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bored." Am I THAT bad? Even boredom sounds more fun than hanging out with the likes of me? Maybe next time I'll bribe him with homemade cookies. Well, Jessie's homemade cookies because I only bake so often.

Jabba the Hutt

Someone looks eerily like Jabba the Hutt.

Connor and Me

I finally got to meet Connor last weekend. I have to admit that he stole my heart right away. Erin and Chris let me spend the night at their house Thursday so Connor and I could hang out all night. I only lasted until 12:30 before falling asleep. He's too much of a night owl for me. He slept right on my chest with his head under my chin for almost two hours. When he and Erin drove away on Sunday night I almost cried. It made it really hard to leave Texas this time. This just means I'll have to visit more often! I am already planning on going back for Memorial Day. I am always in awe of how my family loves each other.

Bring Back the 90's!

Chris and Marissa had their engagement party in Dallas this weekend when I was home. It was a 90's themed party. It was brilliant. I debated between wearing Jessie Spano spandex from her overdose episode or my cheerleading outfit from high school. In the end I selected perhaps the best outfit of the night. Elaine! Elaine from Seinfeld! I found everything I needed in my mothers closet. She promptly told me that she is burning everything I picked. I wore a black skirt that did nothing but make me look frumpy. The silk multi-patterned shirt with the trademark gold necklace just sitting under the color began to pull the outfit together. The black blazer did even more to channel Elaine. But the two things that sealed the deal were the white ankel socks with black shoes and the sky high hair. I used so much hairspray that my hair was crunchy. Unfortunately it began to fall through out the night. But I loved it. I whipped out a few of her dance moves and the party started.

Mrs. Walsh from 90210 visited as well as Kelly Taylor and Brandon Walsh. Grunge band fans and a few others came too. What a great party!

Excuse Me Sir

Today I stayed home sick. I sound like I'm in a tunnel and that something is perpetually holding my nose. I think I must have swallowed glass last night in my sleep. That's how bad the throat felt this morning. Aww, poor Katy. Now that I have your sympathy, I am going to ask for it again.

I scheduled an appointment on Monday to have my eyebrows waxed at Nordstrom. It's right down the street from work and Belinda does a fabulous job. I couldn't cancel today because it was too close to my appointment time and would have had to pay if I skipped. Eh, who am I kidding? I needed my eyebrows waxed BAD! So I had my hair in a ponytail (did I brush it? nope). I wore my favorite sweats from Target and my favorite black fleece that also seconds as a blanky for me on occassion. As I drive into the Nordstrom parking garage there are two valets who will park your car. I pull up and as I'm beginning to roll down my window I hear the dreaded, oh so humiliating, "Yes Sir, how can I help you?" Ummmm, SIR?!!!!! As I finished rolling down the window I hear him say, "Oh, I'm so sorry. So sorry about that." All that came out of my mouth was, "Yeah.....welllllllllll.....whatever." Not only am I feeling sick and unattractive, but my eyebrows are in serious need of a wax. I DID NOT NEED THIS! Granted I do drive a car that is more masculine but PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE!!! All I wanted to do was get out of the car and point at my backside and say, "Do 'sirs' have a backside like this? I don't think so! And if they did, I would call them ma'am!" Instead I just acted like it happens all the time, no big deal, and kept on doing my thing. Heaven forbid that I make him feel uncomfortable.

In all honesty, it had to have been the flourescent lights blinding him from seeing through the tinted windows. Sure. I think I'm going to go shower now and make myself look more feminine.

www.komikazee.com

I'm published! Well, sort of... You may remember me mentioning the fact that my brother-in-law, Chris, has created a website for comic enthusiasts. He thought it would be fun if I wrote an article or two on occassion. Considering I've had no experience with Comic books, I chose to write about that. It's fun to see people comment on where I should begin this obsession. You can read my article here. You might recognize the sarcastic, self-depricating tone I bring to this blog.

Take a moment or two to peruse the site. It's really a fantastic website for enthusiasts and wanna-be's alike. Spread the word!

Charmed Bracelet

Do you remember when charm bracelets were everything? I remember when James Avery was everything. How my heart rejoiced over small silver trinkets like dangle rings, charms and necklaces. In 6th grade I was simply going to DIE if I didn't have a pair of rings to share between me and my best friend. I was desperately trying to find a best friend who could wear the "be...fri" to match my "st...end" dangle ring. Match them together and you have "best friend." Awe. Sigh.

Today I decided to wear my charm bracelet that I've had since I was in junior high. Slowly but surely I obtained charms that represented my high school years. If someone was to look at my wrist they would wonder what kid I stole this from.

The following is a list of charms and what they represent:
1) basketball: because I was an athlete. I may have been short but I was feisty.
2) A+: beating all the odds I was obsessed with making good grades.
3) volleyball: still one of my favorite sports.
4) sweet 16 heart: obviously I got this when I turned 16.
5) megaphone: go Trojans! If it's not obvious enough, I was a cheerleader.
6) heart with a "K": I'll give you 3 guesses.
7) tennis racket: because my dad desperately wanted me to play tennis.
8) snow skis: because I desperately wanted to be an olympic downhill skier. still do.
9) welsh corgi: I had a welsh corgi growing up named woofie.
10) "st...end" : please see above
11) clown: because I was funny? I don't remember getting this one. Clowns scare me. Poltergeist scarred me for life.

I haven't received a charm since. But if I were to continue to fill my charm bracelet today I would choose the following:
1) pint of Ben and Jerry's: does this really need an explanation? see all posts
2) computer: because it's slowly sucking my life away.
3) bottle of clearisil: because I still have teenage acne at the ripe old age of 30.
4) an Oscar: because I will win one someday DAMMIT!
5) marathon medal: to remind me that I was once somebody.
6) charm that dispenses floss: so I won't have any excuses for not flossing after a meal.
7) bridesmaids dress: I spent most of my vacation days this year in a bridesmaid dress.
8) best aunt: because Connor would want me to have it. I only speak truth.
9) inhaler: to use when climbing the steps for the el.
and finally 10) laser gun: to represent NO MORE WAXING!!!

Wow, what an exciting life I do lead!

Glutton . . . FOR PUNISHMENT!

Why is the roof of my mouth and my tongue burned and raw this morning? Sam and I were inspired by the hundreds of frozen pizzas being given away after the Cubs game. Should I have eaten a pizza at 10:30 p.m.? No. Would waiting longer than 5 seconds after removing the pizza from the oven before consuming it been a good idea? Yes. Was my judgment clouded by melted cheese and a crispy crust? Always. Did my raw mouth stop me from eating crunchy cereal for breakfast? Never. Were baked lays at lunch a bad idea? Sure. Should I have visited the burn unit at the hospital last night? Possibly. So many questions and even more flaws. As my embroidered pillow that quotes Charlie Brown says, "I lay awake one night and say aloud, 'What could have gone wrong?' a voice answers back, 'This could take more than one night.'"

Most people give up an item of decadent food for lent to show their love for God. I on the other hand must have given up healthy food for lent. Beginning Sunday it's back to dry chicken, undressed salad and water for me. Can't wait.

Poop Face

You know I had to post it. This picture makes me crack up every time I look at it.

Another Slip

The windows in our apartment are VERY drafty. We've had issues with the windows from the beginning. Had you visited our apartment this winter you would have noticed the dazzling plastic covering the windows to block the draft. It really was beautiful the way the Christmas Tree lights reflected off of the rippling plastic. The maintenance man also sealed up the in the rotting wood by using a clear sealer. The smell alone made me high for a week.

Seeing as the plastic has finally been taken off of the windows and the sealer prevents us from opening the windows to let in the spring air, I decided to take it upon myself to remove the sealer. It's gummy in texture and easily pulls away from the window. There was so much sealer it was astonishing and caused me to say:

"Look how much cock we needed this winter!"

I meant to say "caulk." Dangit! Too much time with you Second City people. You're ruining my innocence!

Super Connor!

Connor is cooler than I am. He has his own website and he's only a month old. My brother-in-law is obviously a fanatic of comics. Check out the new family at SuperConnor.com

Tears, BIG Tears

Sunday night I happily found myself on the couch huddled with my roommates watching Grey's Anatomy. Sometimes there's nothing better than putting on your p.j.'s at 8:00 p.m. and watching the evening lineup. Usually I am doing something at all hours of the day. I'm just like my dad. There's too much of this world to explore and experience to waste it sitting on the couch. But Sunday night I couldn't have been happier. It also made me realize that I need to do more of nothing sometimes so I can truly appreciate life's adventures.

My cousin, Jessie, made me aware a few months ago that I like to guess what's going to happen in movies or t.v. Not only do I guess, but I guess OUT LOUD, ALL THE TIME! I think it's because I like to sound smart or guess things before they happen so I can say things like, "I told you so." But the humorous part is that I'm just shy of being ALWAYS WRONG! We laugh that I have a 35% chance of being correct. Frankly, I think that's a generous number. When I do get something right everyone knows it. I must be the most annoying person with whom one could watch 2-dimensional entertainment. I would like to just go ahead now and apologize to anyone who watches t.v. with me or will one day watch t.v. with me. I just can't help myself!

The emotional exploitation of Sundays episode of Grey's Anatomy didn't disappoint. I mean, when that dying lady (Jackie from Roseanne; aka: Laurie Metcalf) was sharing life's wisdom with her daughter I almost lost it. Then when she got to the part telling her daughter that she will one day have a child it's the most important part of her life, blah blah blah, I was sobbing. I'm talking hands to the face, tears spewing, guttoral groans...the works. I think I scared my cousin. Jessie only moved in with me in August. I haven't watched many movies or television in the past 8 months so she had yet to experience the joy that is me being emotional ripped apart while watching either one. Janell just patted her on the leg and said, "it's normal."

Jessie cries in life, I cry in movies...t.v. shows...commercials...emails...stories...books. It takes a lot for me to cry in life. Jessie is stone cold when it comes to sappy emotional stories. But then there are those rare times when I just can't stop the tears. Yesterday my best friend had the joy of confronting me. I'm not the easiest person to confront. As we learned earlier, I like to be right and I like to never do anything wrong...or anything that would merrit a confrontation. It's not that I'm unteachable, I just don't like disappointing anyone. And to me confrontation = disappointment. That's basically what she had to confront me about: I'm unconfrontable! She said it in a very gentle and loving way. And when people are gentle and loving towards me, I cry, and then I can't talk. I mean I can talk, but it takes about a minute per word. I think I was just emotionally drained too...ready to cry. You know what I'm saying? No? Girl talk. The great thing is that once I cry, I'm good to go. I'm ready to face the world again and I feel 100% better. I'm such a girl. Sometimes I cry just for the sake of needing a good cry. You know what helps? A good song....or maybe watching Little Women.

Second City Graduation

It's official, I am finally a graduate of The Second City Conservatory! We even had a graduation ceremony. There really wasn't anything ceremonial about the graduation. There was a short beer and pizza party afterwards and then we walked across the stage to shake a few hands and receive a t-shirt. Then we got kicked out so they could clean up. The best part of the night was celebrating with everyone. The experience was great but it's the people that really made the difference. It's great to look back and see how much we've grown as performers and friends.

Our last show was a perfect ending to the run of REBIRTH performances. We just wanted to have fun and I think we did. Our scenes were still fun to watch and continue to make me laugh even though I've seen them a thousand times. As an ensemble member I noticed small changes that made the scenes even better. We're proud of our performance and think we have every right to be proud.

Thank you to everyone who walked with me during this journey. You're as much a part of this as the people on the stage.

My Main Squeeze

Finally, the Fam sent more pictures of Connor. This was my favorite. Only two more weeks until I get to meet him!

My Future

My dad mailed me this newspaper clipping in the mail. I just received it yesterday. Along with it came a post-it that reads, "Kathryn, What a great horoscop - we're not supposed to believe in them - but whatever!"

Here it is:

IF MARCH 12 IS YOUR BIRTHDAY: Singer, actress, performer Liza Minelli shares
your birthday. You have style! You're bold, daring and original. You don't do
things halfway. Furthermore, you have the courage to take a risk. These
qualities make you attractive to others. (Actually, you amaze them.) Always
trust your enthusiastic impulses. You might experience a change in this coming
year.

Isn't that just GREAT? I read this and think, "DANG! I wish this really was me!" So the conclusion is that I need to take more risks this year. I just mailed out my headshot/resume to some agents. Isn't that a risk? I risk rejection. Isn't it a risk to be associated with Liza Minelli? I rest my case.

March Madness Update

I, Katy, am ranked second in the NCAA tournament challenge. Maybe I should clarify, I'm ranked second out of the little group my brothers friends started. The fact that I went from twelfth to second in a matter of hours is A MIRACLE!!! They've been exchanging emails back and forth, trash talking. But now look who's on top! Oh no. I think I just jinxed myself. I hope I don't have to eat those words. Dear Lord, I pray that I don't have to eat those words.

REBIRTH Finale

See this group of people? Don't we just look talented? Don't you just want to laugh already just by looking at our faces? No? Well, YOU'RE BORING! Oh wait, you were kidding. Got it. So you do think we're funny? Oh, well then you'll have to see the show. The FINAL show. So sad but true, we're graduating from The Second City Conservatory on Monday night. Come see us on the E. T. C. stage at 8:00pm. We perform with two other VERY talented groups: Jamaica University and Box Movers. I promise we'll sign autographs....or I promise we won't. Whichever you prefer...

It's amazing how much REBIRTH has been through. We love each other like brothers and sisters and we fight like it too sometimes. But I think in the end we've all been drawn together and have finally formed a unique respect for one another. We're seeing how each one of us must play a part for the whole picture to come together. There's the loud, funny guy. The smart witty guy. The bumbling hilariously awkward guy. The woman with a flare for the dramatic. The woman who never ceases to surprise you. The woman who is not afraid to be graphic. The woman who will support you in anything. The woman who brings energy to every scene. Where do I fit in all of this? I'm not really even sure. All I know is that it works. It finally works. Somehow we've become an ensemble. I'm sad that we are graduating but hopefully it doesn't mean the end of working together.

It's been an honor and a blessing. I've fallen in love with these 8 other people. It's a beautiful thing.

Favorite TV Show: The Office (British Version)

I've made an observation since joining myspace a couple of days ago. Well, I've actually made a couple of observations. The first is that I'm addicted. I'm addicted to finding people I haven't seen in years. I'm addicted to having friends, lots and lots of them. I need medication. The second is that there are people out there who put under their favorite TV shows that The Office (British Version) is their favorite show. I find this hilarious. I'll just go ahead and answer this question for you: yes I've seen both the British and U.S. versions. The more probing observation here is that only certain people insist that the British version is their favorite. Yes, the British version is fantastic, but there's a since of snobbery about claiming it as your favorite. It's like saying, "you know what? I'm even more intelligent than you because I find the British version funny. My humor is more elevated than yours. Plus I discovered it before America discovered it. That just shows how cool I am. I'm hip. Much hipper than you. I watch the BBC because I'm cultured. I care about what happens in the world. You only discover things when they finally come out on DVD. While you were still hooked on American Idol (for which I prefer the British version, Pop Idol, that came first) I was working in the trenches to make sure this show stayed alive! I also was one of the founding fathers of Arrested Development! It's because of people like YOU, you DVD watchers, that the show had to be CANCELLED! You just don't get it do you? I HATE YOU!"

And that's how I feel about that.

Wicked

This has definitely been a week of theatre. Wednesday night my roommates and I had the opportunity to go see Wicked! I've been dying to see this musical since it first came out. I was a little sad that I missed seeing Anna Gasteyer perform as Elphaba but the new lead was absolutely amazing. We had seventh row seats and I was mesmerized by the costumes, sets, the humor and their amazing voices. I laughed hard and even cried at one point. You know when you watch something and it makes you so incredibly jealous that they are on stage getting to perform? That's exactly how I felt. I felt slightly jealous but more than that, I want to perform now more than ever!

The musical version of the story is not quite as dark or political as the book. I love the details in the book but I like the happy ending of the musical. If you ever have the opportunity to see these show, don't pass it up!

STEVE!

What a night I just had and it's only 7:50 p.m.! The roommates and I just met Steve (David Eigenberg) from Sex and the City. You know, Steve! John and Fernando, I can't hold it against you that you have no idea who he is. It's probably a good thing.

Anyway, Jessie, Janell, Lindsay and I went to see a rehearsal for Cradle of Man opening at Victory Gardens Theatre. We sit down waiting for it to begin. Next thing I know, "Steve" comes over to our aisle and asks to sit next to Jessie (two people away from me). Be still our beating hearts. He was really kind and funny...a little too funny. Quit with the one liners already! That's MY job! I'M FUNNY! I'M THE COMEDIENNE! They did five scenes from the show in a barely there set. They even called for lines.

Afterwards we asked to take a picture (like the little teenage girls we secretly are). He was really easy to talk to and not intimidating in the least. I even invited him to my Second City show. He can't come because he spends Monday nights with his father who has altzheimers. Sorry excuse! Whatever Steve! It's OVER between you and I! But then again, I forgive you because you told us to come see the show and you'd by us drinks afterwards. I'm sure his wife won't mind.

Isn't that exciting? I've never met anyone famous other than Martina Navratolova whose autograph I left on the floor...dad's still bitter. And now I've met two famous people in less than a month! That has to be a sign, right?!!!!!

March Madness

I have not watched a lick of NCAA basketball this year (or any other type of basketball for that matter). I enjoyed watching it when I was actually in the arena and could call the Hogs. Since then I haven't really cared much...until NOW! I am participating in the office NCAA Men's tournament challenge on ESPN and at the office. John, can you believe I'm writing about sports? I know you're so proud!

I might as well have been trying to read braille as I looked at the brackets. I decided I would ignore the statistics and go with a logical approach...choose teams in states where I knew people. Much to my surprise I saw that Arkansas is actually in the tournament this year. It's hard to believe that it's been 12 years since they won the National Championship. Yet we're still holding onto it. I feel like a traitor. I only chose Arkansas going to the second round but not beyond. I think I chose Memphis as the winner of that game. In the end I have Texas beating out Illinois by 3 points. I mean, I LIVE in Illinois but my heart is in Texas. Plus I know more people in Texas. Technically Texas and Arkansas are rivals but you can't be too choosey in this case. All the girls at the office chose Duke to win. I mean, that's so obvious. Too obvious; therefore it won't happen.

This is the most you'll EVER hear me talk about basketball.

Love Child

What Wayne Campbell and Garth Algar's love child would look like.

Pictures from the Birthday

One of 400 birthday cakes consumed by moi in two days. Aren't my roommates, Janell and Jessie, cute?

Pictures from the Birthday

Pictures from the Birthday

"How does the song go again?"

Pictures from the Birthday

"Didn't I Didn't I Didn't I See You Cryin'"

My Present to Myself

Did I want to by myself a piece of silver jewelry from Tiffany's? Or how about a spa package from the Red Door spa? Maybe I could have donated extra money to World Vision so the children could be fed. But what did I decide to buy myself in celebration of the Big 3-0? Eye Cream. Now I've been wearing eye cream for a good 5 years or more. No longer will the Walgreen's selection suffice. I need the hard core, heavy duty, make me look young and keep me young looking product! One little bottle cost me $45. I'm going to have to pick up a second job in order to keep myself young looking. It's so tough being a woman. sigh. But I did qualify for a free gift! Ah, sweet justification.

I'm 30!

My late 20's were so fabulous that I couldn't wait to jump into my 30's. I've always heard that your 30's are the best years because you know who you are, insecurity is at a minimum and you know what's important in life. Now I'm not so sure that I have all of those down but I can see what they're saying. I'm looking forward to the adventure that lies ahead.

My 30th birthday weekend was nothing short of perfect. Friday night I had a small army of friends over for some yummy appetizers. My roommates and I were sad to see that most of the food was gone. We made so much food that I thought we'd be living off of these appetizers for a good week. No matter, I'm glad they enjoyed it. My personal offering for the night was homemade Sangria. Me! Katy! Former Cheerleading Captain for Trinity CHRISTIAN Academy. Making mixed drinks! Whoever would have dreamed it? It's now my specialty. I even have the recipe memorized. Thank you Rachael Ray. Post appetizers, we headed back to Pontiac Cafe where I opened up the night with a beautiful vocal rendition of Cheap Tricks', I Want You to Want Me. The allure of my voice wooed the audience...actually, you couldn't really hear my voice. I'm not sure but someone may have turned the microphone down after the start of the song. My keen intuition tells me that it's because they didn't want to be outdone by ME! It was fun to seeing everyone else get to sing their song choices. My favorite part of the night was watching other people have fun. I love being able to open my home and serve others. I need to do more of that in my 30's.

My incredibly generous dad, who loves me so much, flew in my family (senza mom and sister/new family) and Wendy to help celebrate my birthday. The weekend was so unusually gorgeous for this time of year that we walked and walked and walked and then ate and walked and ate some more. I even took off my fleece one time. It was nice to let the skin breathe. I introduced my family to Spanish Tapas. I'm pretty proud of my dad. In one month he has tried both Sushi and Tapas. We'll be a cultured family yet!

I need to go on a two week fast to purify myself from the amount of cake, ice cream and creme based foods I've consumed this weekend. I should run too....lots and lots of running.

Thank you everyone who helped to celebrate my birthday and make it such an amazing weekend! I'll be sure to post pictures soon. I have yet to email about Becky's wedding. I need to get on that one too.

Greetings from Connor

I knew it. He loves me and he doesn't even know me yet!

McNuggets

Dad, this video is for you. I know you're a big fan of McDonald's Chicken McNuggets. That's no secret. You're the healthiest person known to man yet you can't resist the temptation of McNuggets. I think this video symbolizes how your heart feels towards those little fried pieces of meat.

Fernando and Thomas, from the Thursday night conservatory class, filmed this sketch that they use in their show. Just a warning, please don't watch at work. You'll laugh too hard and then you'll get fired and then you'll blame me and then I'll feel bad and then I'll be anxious and then I'll start having to go to therapy and then I'll have to get a second job to afford it.

Connor Christopher McCroskey

Apparently Connor weighed more than 8 lbs. when he was born. The scale was off and the doctor said that he weighed closer to 9 lbs. That's good. He's an eater. You can tell that he has a little Orender in him.

Everyone is doing well. Here are a couple of pictures. You can't really see Connor but you can still tell he's a good lookin' kiddo.

I'm an Aunt!

My nephew was born at 11:53 a.m. today. He is 8 lbs. and 19 inches. And our lives will never be the same. Each birthday, Christmas, Easter, Fourth of July, etc. will have new eyes for all of us. I love the thought of new adventures ahead for him and for the rest of my family. He is the luckiest most blessed boy in the world to be born to such amazing parents. I am still amazed at how blessed I am to have been born into this family. He is a lucky kid!

No names yet. I'll be sure to post pictures when they send them. Congratulations Erin and Chris!

Selfishness

I am swimming deep in the sea of Middle Child Syndrome and my floaties aren't helping. I knew this day would come. It's been predicted and after months of planning and strategy, I still can't seem to stay afloat! Less than 24 hours after Becky's wedding I find myself driving down Dallas Parkway in my mom's car to my "birthday dinner" with the windows open so I can dry my tears and hide them from my family. I start thinking about how my best friend is now married. I used to always be able to count on her for singleness and now I can't. And you know what, that's okay (she lies to herself as she looks in the mirror). The second big change comes in that my sister is about to give birth! I can't believe it! She goes into the hospital tonight so she can be induced tomorrow. What the heck is Cervical Ripening Gel? Wait, don't tell me. I'm not sure I want to know. Something about a cervix that needs to be ripened and the only way to do that is to use gel. I think it's all coming together for me. Bless her heart!

Chris and Erin have been pretty secretive with the names they've chosen for the baby. Chris is a major Comic nerd. And I mean that in the best of sense. You can visit his Komikazee website. He seriously asked Erin if they could give their maybe future son the middle name, Vadar. Lately it's been Thor. Ummm, no you can't! NO WAY IN HELL WILL I TELL MY FRIENDS THAT I HAVE A NEW NEPHEW NAMED THOR! What if they do name the baby Thor? I'll giggle nervously and tell them that it's a wonderful name and that he'll have no problems coming up with a halloween costumes. He'll probably have huge muscles and win lots and lots of body building contests. Then he can become the future governor of California. How can you not be successful with a name like Thor? I change my mind, Thor is a good name.

So please be praying for Erin and Chris. It's going to be a long 24 hours for them and the rest of us. It's killing me that I can't be there. They've promised to update me on every little detail...except the Cervical Ripening Gel.

Embittered Wife

Last week we had an amazing Level 5 show at Second City. There's something about being first in the line-up that brings about inspiring energy. It definitely showed. This week we are adding a few new scenes to our running order. My favorite is about the double luge. I always thought that this was a weird Olympic sport and it might be fun to do a scene centered around it. This one is a blackout that is mostly physical. We don't have much of that in our show and it might be a nice change of pace. I hope it translates well on stage. It was funny to us in our class room. You just never know in front of an audience. It's painful when you watch a bad scene. But it's even more painful when you're performing in one. No matter what, you have to try to sell it 100%. If you're sold, the audience will most likely be sold. Crossing my fingers never hurt either.

As I look at the running order I realize that in a couple of scenes I basically play the same character: the embittered wife. In one scene I sing (scary enough in itself), the other I play Madame Curie. It's more of a period piece. It makes it sound noble when I use "period piece." I hope this isn't type casting. Maybe I play the character so well because it's so opposite of my own personality and character. Yeah, yes, of course! That must be it.

Faster Than You Can Say . . .

I should have flossed every night. I know better! Because I didn't do this and I didn't go to the dentist for two and a half years I ended up having a cavity. Sigh. I'm usually just so proud of my dental hygiene. The dentist, who happens to be the most peppy dentist I've ever met, asked if I wanted Novicaine. I said, "Yes, I'll take everything you've got!" After one huge shot in the mouth, the whole right side of my jaw went numb. It's such a weird feeling. I don't think I was drooling, but then again, maybe no one told me. They wouldn't do that, would they?

Anyway, it reminded me of yet another story where Katy says something that comes out sexual without meaning to. I have a long history of this and I'm sure Becky will probably comment with some stories. My friend from work, Laura, had a canker sore in her mouth (I don't like that word...ewwww) and was using ambisol. I was just thinking about how ambisol numbs the mouth and I thought to myself, "What would it feel like to put ambisol on your eyelid? Would it make it numb?" But instead I spoke aloud, "Have you ever used Ambisol on any other body parts?" We laughed until we cried with that one. Maybe we're just dirty minded.

Makes Me Feel Like Dancing

It's true. I am in love with a reality t.v. show. I have fallen in love with Dancing with the Stars. I can't help myself! It has everything that you want! No name celebrities (except Jerry Rice, he's brilliant), competition, tacky clothing and DANCING! Should this be any surprise considering one of my all-time favorite movies is Dirty Dancing? "Nobody puts baby in a corner." Becky and I have always talked about making "Camp Kellerman" t-shirts with that quote on the back. I think I should make it happen. Who wouldn't want to buy one?

Now I know that Stacy was definitely the best dancer of the group, but who can deny that Drew Lachey is the better performer? Those of you who prefer Stacy only prefer her because she's half naked the whole show. Yeah, I know it, she knows it, the whole world knows it. I just have had a hard time looking at her the same since she posed for Maxim or FHM or Stuff...one of those magazines. I know I'm judging her. I shouldn't judge. But it just made me sad.

The show just made me want dress scantily and dance throughout my apartment!

One WILD Bachelorette Party

This past weekend we threw Becky her Bachelorette Party. She preferred to have a low-key weekend with the girls out at a lake house. That's my ideal bachelorette party as well.

I didn't arrive into Dallas until 8pm. Wendy, Dow, Beckles and I quickly went to the store to pick up all the food for the weekend (if you know me, you know how this freightened me). Then we stopped by Chick-fil-a to pay homage. Waffle Fries...gurgle gurgle gurgle. After a two hour drive to Possum Kingdom Lake, TX. we were pretty exhausted and not quite in our right minds.

Most bachelorette weekends end with a hangover. This one began with some of the most incredible dancing known to man. Please watch closely as I bust out moves from the 8th grade. Becky closes the sequence with what we've coined as the "donkey kick." She is such a show off!

TourCo Audition

A friend called last Thursday to tell me that Second City was having auditions for women for their Tour Company on Monday. Knowing that I was less experienced than the typical auditioner I went ahead and scheduled an appointment. Thankfully I printed up my ugly headshot so I could at least have something to give them. I even worked on my meager resume'. I definitely need to spruce that up a bit. It was looking a bit more bare than it should. I know I've done many more gigs than my resume' tells.

It's an understatement to say that I was nervous for this audition. I didn't tell too many people. But I did let people know how to pray for me. I always feel better going into an audition, show, etc. after a good round of prayer. Calms me a bit. I prayed that I would feel freedom, have confidence and that they would see a little something in me.

My audition was at 11:40 a.m. I even showered for it. I wore dark pants and a bright shirt to make sure I'd stick out. No it wasn't obnoxiously bright. Subtle and inspiring...like me! The audition wasn't anything unusual. My nerves calmed a bit after my teacher, Tim, told us girls the night before that the audition was really more of a formality and that they "had" to hold one for girls. SUCKS! But oh well, good experience. I felt good about my short scenes. But I'm more of a long-form girl. They called two names randomly and gave us a location to start a scene. Mine was at a nail salon. Easy: I like manicures and pedicures. The other girl initiated and took the role of a manicurest. So I became a woman who was getting married after meeting someone on an internet dating service. Basically I was proud to be getting married and wanted everyone to know it! IT WAS MY TURN, DAMMIT!

To my surprise they also asked me to do another scene with a girl who I respected and had seen perform multiple times. I was so out of my league. They put us in a "newsroom." At first she started the scene very focused on the task. When I tried to initiate relationship and revelation she just ignored me. A HUGE IMPROV NO NO! So I just went with my character and kept trying to get her attention so we could talk and I could tell her why I felt ignored.

Afterwards I felt really good about my part in the scene. One girl mentioned that she was jealous that I got called up again when no one else did. I said, "Nothing means nothing!" I have no idea what that means. Basically it means that I can't read into anything! I felt awesome about my audition and like all my prayers had been answered. I knew my chances of being called back were slim, but God can work miracles. Anne Libera, my level 4 instructor, said good job to me later that day. She also said that I made a great choice with the girl who wouldn't talk to me in my scene. She said, "seriously Katy, that was a GREAT choice." I felt so good after that.

No I didn't get called back, but rumor has it that they weren't really looking anyway. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't disappointed. I am disappointed because I like succeeding in all I do. But I have to take everything one step at a time. I'm just beginning to get impatient. Hopefully something will open up soon! The audition just made me realize how much I love performing.

Coldplay

WHA?!!!!!!!!!!??!!!!!!!!!!!!???!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Coldplay is breaking up? WHYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?????? (knees hit the floor. fist. fist. fist. and hair pulling). Buh, wuh? I have hope that they will get back together once Apple hits school age.

Snowboard Cross

I have a new favorite Olympic sport. I could hardly peel my eyes away from the television last night. Did anyone watch the Snowboard Cross? Was that not amazing?!!!! It reminds me of a Nintendo 64 game I used to play with my little brother back in the day. I remember he was snowboard racing my mom and I and because he was beating my mom she says, "You, you, you...." And Andrew responds, "BASTARD!" I could hardly stop from crying laughing. He was only seven years old at the time. Where did he learn that word?!

There are a few funny stories about Andrew and his language. He used to be really into popsicles when he was about four. My mom decided to get him a new treat, Push Ups. When she showed him the Push UP he spoke chipperly, "What in the hell is this?" Patiently mom responded, "Andrew, we don't say that. We say, 'What in the WORLD is this!'" Smartly he says, "What in the world hell is this?!" One of my favorites was when he was four, yet again. Patrick and I had friends from college in town. Andrew's new favorite movie at the time was Top Gun. He was showing off in front of our friends by quoting lines from the movie. All of a sudden we hear, "Shit! It's Viper!" He made a really great impression on our friends. They still remind me of that time.

I digress... I think I would like to compete in the Snowboard Cross. If I could compete in any Winter Olympic sports they would be: Figure Skating, Downhill, Moguls and now Snowboard Cross. Did anyone see the gold medal winner, Seth Wescott? Hello! New crush! He likes the outdoors, I like the outdoors. He likes to snowboard, I like to snowboard. He likes to get caught in avalanches, I like to watch t.v. specials about avalanches.

I nearly cried while watching another event last night - Figure Skating. Here's a little trivia about my past: I was a figure skater. Yes I was only eight years old but it still counts. I even won a second place ribbon in a competition. Granted I think there were only two of us competing in my age group, but it's still a special moment. Anywho. I watched the Olympics new comeback kid last night, Evan Lysacek (who happens to be from Naperville, IL). He skated the most powerful and beautiful program of anyone that night. Yeah, the Russian Gold Medalist with a mullet, Plushenko could jump better than anyone but his program was missing heart, artistry and emotion. But then again, he and his family made serious sacrifices to get him where he is today. I'm always a sucker for those stories. Good for him.

Celebrity Meeting!

Yesterday morning delivered a great surprise! I had to attend an early morning awards breakfast at a local company. I didn't think much of it until I watched a video of their surprise M.C. for the event. I hear words about Second City, SCTV, Ghostbusters, etc. Then suddenly I see Harold Ramis' face pop up on the screen! Harold Ramis! Harold Ramis, you ask? How could you not know this talented face and even more talented writer and director?!!!

My boss insisted that I meet him. I was overcome with nervousness and mumbled something like, "nah, I couldn't do that. I'd die!" Many people love meeting celebrities. I usually run the other way. I mean, what do I say? Why should they care? Before I knew it, they grabbed my arm and pulled me over to meet Mr. Ramis. One of the women knew him so it wasn't a big deal for her to introduce me. I'm sure my face was flaming hot. She mentioned to him that I attended Second City. Here is the transcript from our conversation:

Scene: Large elite Club
Atmosphere: Bustling
Character trait: distracted, nervous and overwhelmed as the camera bulbs flashed...acting like a 12 year old girl who has a crush on the boy she's talking to.

"Harold, this is Katy and she's at Second City. I wanted you to meet her."

"Oh, you're at Second City."

"umm, yes. I am finishing the conservatory program"

"You're an actress?"

"Yes!"

"That's great! How long have you been there?"

"Two years or so."

"Did you study this in college?"

**distracted by fans and flash bulbs

"Umm, honestly, no. It's just something I've always wanted to do and figured why not now, just give it a shot."

"That's exactly what I did."

"Really? That's so good to know!"

**witty banter, witty banter, blah blah blah, you're awesome, blah blah

That's really all I remember. But I will post a picture as soon as someone sends it to me. I'm sure I'll be mid-sentence with my mouth making a weird shape. Plus my face will be red. But seriously, how cool is that?!!!! I never meet celebrities. Sure I'm usually running the other way or sneaking photos of them while they're on the beach with their families, but wow! Harold is a legend! I'm sure he's calling up agencies trying to locate the random girl actress he met at an event. I bet he's already written a part for me! If I were more strategic, I'd have put a headshot in his hand. But I wasn't thinking clearly at the moment.

Aloha and Mahalo

So I am wearing the sign of a vacation to the beach: peeling scalp. Some people might confuse that with dandruff but I know the truth...I got sunburned! And it was great!

The Parentals and I took off to Honolulu with Wendy to spend a few days on the beach. Much to my surprise it was Pro-Bowl weekend and our hotel was the hub of ESPN. There were famous football players EVERYWHERE. But most of it was lost on me. I only know the players from back in my highschool days (aka. "When the Cowboys were good"). Did you know that when there are famous, rich football players around the number of fake boobs escalates? Neither did I. But now I know. As wonderful as Hawaii was, it also felt a bit like MTV spring break at our hotel pool. Therefore Wendy and I stuck to the beach. Some of you watching ESPN might have seen us laying out in the background. Why they didn't just broadcast that is beyond me.

The first day we only spent a few hours at the beach. We didn't want to fry like bacon when we had a few more days to do that. We decided to accompany my mom to the spa. I love the spa. It makes me feel so girly. I used to feel guilty about going until I heard the prices of green fees at golf courses. I don't feel guilty any longer. Men have their drug, we have ours. There's just something about walking around in a huge robe in public. They had us taking elevators in our robes and walking down long hallways. I didn't care. I was about to get a massage! I'm not exactly a modest person. Years of kamp took away any modesty I ever owned. Therefore if one of us has to have a man give us a massage my mother always volunteers moi. I just find that funny. I don't care and I'm sure Jude didn't either. He looked a lot like Apolo Anton Ohno (you Olympic lovers). It was fabulous and I'm still relaxed.

Just like watching Aspen Extreme before a good ski trip, a trip to Hawaii makes me want to watch Blue Crush. Both are riveting movies that have changed the face of Hollywood..er...so maybe not. But they are so fun to watch! We took our Blue Crush tour of O'ahu on Thursday. We drove up to the North Shore so we could watch the surfers tempt death with those insanely huge waves. I felt like a complete tourist with my Kate Spade bag and gaucho pants. If I were in Blue Crush I would have been kicked off the beach. I couldn't compare to the Hawaiian kids with the Hawaiian Islands tatooed on their backs. One even had the word "North" tatooed on one arm and "Shore" tatooed on the other. If I really wanted to fit in I would have done the same.

Friday I desperately tried to soak up the sun. I knew I was leaving in 36 hours and had to cram in a weeks worth of sunbathing in only a few hours. Armed with good books, Wendy and I seriously laid there from 9am to 5pm. I didn't even get up to go to the bathroom. I did however make it to the ocean to float in the salty waters. The water looks inviting but it was a bit chilly. I've become a wimp in my old age. So I sucked it up and dove right in (the second time). I warmed myself up with my new favorite drink, the Chi Chi...basically a Pina Colada. I was in heaven! I didn't think things could get any better...but they did! Would you believe it? Steve Young walked right past me and parked he and his family next to Wendy and I on the beach! Wendy was like, "Who is Steve Young?" Ummmm, I only had a crush on him for, like, a couple of years in highschool because he was, like, the best football quarterback (next to Troy Aikman) for the 49ers. And didn't I just see him anchoring the Superbowl? I do believe so! I even got to see him kindly discipline his son. I approve.

I think I felt a tear roll down my cheek there on the beach. I wasn't quite ready to go home. I still needed more of a tan!

11 hours later I arrived safely at home. Is it wrong to want to hit a baby when it cries for 11 hours straight? Hear me out! I didn't hit the baby. I would never do something like that...it's wrong! But I did consider hitting the parents. I need to pray.

My parents are still in Hawaii living the life. They are so kind and generous to ask me to come along with them. Now all I have is my memories and the healing "North" "Shore" tatooes on my arms.

So I'm Not a Dork

I received this comment from my good friend John who is always looking out for me:

"Always know what you're really saying. You are probably not a dork... http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/DorkORhttp://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=dork
Look at "vulgar slang." I would never call you a dork. A hottie, maybe... dork, never!"

Apparently one of the definitions for dork is "penis." I am definitely not one of those.

Thanks John for setting me straight.

I'm a Dork!

I know not many of you are surprised by that statement. But it was just confirmed. It's official.

So my mom sent an email asking me about my trainer, Shelby, that I've had for the past 5 months. (Trainer Brad moved on). So I responded to her email by telling her a story about how James had slapped my butt in a scene in Monday nights show and later told me that it hurt his hand. I said, "You know it hurt your hand! I do more lunges and squats than you could ever dream!" Blah Blah Blah. So after emailing this story, I hit send. I didn't realize until a few moments later that I had actually responded with this story to an email sent to me by a volunteer at our organization....who I hardly know!

I should just go home today. Sigh.

Live Band Karaoke!

Friday night was a first for me. In honor of Jason's 26th birthday, we went to Pontiac Cafe for their weekly Live Band Karaoke. It was probably one of the more fun nights I've had in Chicago. First of all, the group that went couldn't be more fun. We've all made fools of ourselves many many times infront of eachother so singing was just another opportunity.

As soon as we walked through the door, a menu of songs was thrown in our faces. After 30 minutes of perusing the song titles and debating between Cheap Tricks "Want You to Want Me" and Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time, " I went with the song whose video has been ingrained in my memory since childhood. Remember when Cyndi Lauper and the tall, dark and not so handsome/skinny guy said goodbye to eachother next to a train? Wait, let me wipe the tears from my eyes. That's better. Not only was it Cyndi's first #1 hit, it was my first #1 hit. Brilliant how our histories are now woven together. Wow.

The music was so loud that my ears are still ringing two days later. I walked up to a tall guy who thought he was hotter than he really was. But he made for interesting and witty banter. I gave him my name; which he wrote down as K8y. That's now my stage name. As I told him the song of my choice he looked at me for a moment and then put his hand over his heart while he sighed. He was feeling it too.

We enjoyed listening to some quality singers and some not so quality singers (most of whom were drunk and didn't care what they sounded like). I kept waiting for them to call Jason's name so I would know that I was next. Shocker of all shocks, they called my name first. I wasn't even paying attention but somehow, like in a dream, I heard someone repeating my name. With a gasp and in confusion, I threw my purse on the beer layered floor, tossed my camera to someone and jumped on stage. I think I said something like, "this is my first time and I think I'm going to be sick." But seriously, after one semester of musical theater in college and two and a half years of improv, I was set. The band was so loud that I was trying to scream into the microphone so I could be heard. I couldn't even hear myself. Mostly with my eyes glued to the white paper in my hands I sang my heart out. The sweet guitar player to my left notified me when I should start singing or leave a bit of time for the musical interludes. I owe him. He made me who I am today. There was one stranger in the front row who was so kind to just stare at me intensely and sing every word right along with me. I had no idea I had that kind of mesmerizing power. Now that I know about this power of mine, I need to use it for good, not evil...like seducing strange men to wash my car, fix my closet and cook me healthy meals.

If you look at the picture, you'll notice how red my face looks. It's our family trait: Blazing skin when embarassed or the center of attention. I think it finally tamed itself after a good hour.

WHAT A RUSH AND AWESOME FEELING! I highly recommend it to anyone. The hit performance of the night was Jason. He sang one of my favorites, A-Ha's "Take on Me." Seriously, who didn't cry the first time they saw that video?!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASON!

Must See

Last night I saw a powerful play at the Victory Gardens Theater. Kristin invited me to see a preview for Young Lady from Rwanda written by Sonja Linden. The play was funny, sad and focused on the relationship between a survivor and a struggling writer. The play was poignant and did not need any more words to make it more impactful. A standing ovation at the end of the play showed its great force. I would recommend this to anyone. I hope you have the opportunity to go see it.

Outburst

I just yelled at my boss. Seriously, I did. I'm not making this up. We were all seated around the conference table post lunch just chatting about upcoming weddings, etc. We had Rockit catered in for one of the girls' last day in the office. There was a huge tray of grapes, strawberries and the most delicious cookies. As we're debating about my future marriage or not marriage, I saw my boss packing up the cookies. Our end of the table did not see the tray of goodies. As I see my boss using tongs to put the cookies in little plastic baggies I yell, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!??" Seriously, I don't get mad about much, but don't mess with my dessert!

Fraud

I believe that God provides for me, cares for me, watches over me and reveals things to me. This was never more apparent (well...maybe this is just another strong example) than on Monday. Abby called to see if Adobo overcharged me for my bill on Friday. She noticed that they had charged her $30 instead of what she had specified. I didn't want to be sucked into this scam so I checked my online banking. Not only did I notice that weird charge but there were others as well. I'm sure these had nothing to do with Adobo. But there were four charges of $6.20 each. Then there were ANOTHER four for $206.71 each. All made on the same day! I'm a little ticked that my bank didn't find that unusual and feel alerted to call me. I seriously see it as God protecting me! I immediately ran over to my bank and got it taken care of in person. They cancelled my card and refunded me the $$ that was used fraudulently. Whew! All that in 30 minutes! Maybe it is time that I invested in a paper shredder. Wendy, you warned me years ago about identity theft. I don't think this went that far but I would feel so lost on what to do if that happened.

We still don't know who did this or how it happened. All I'm saying is BE CAREFUL out there. It's a world filled with people who are greedy and have too much time on their hands!

I can't leave it at that. There are wonderful people like Abby who helped me out :-)

Today's Tidbit

I missed watching this Saturday Night Live. I always miss the good ones. I watch it about twice a year and it always ends up being the same episode. But in case you missed this one, here's a peek at a hilarious sketch:

It's the Chronic...What...cles of Narnia